Queuing quandries

I'm not sure what's wrong with people when they go to the shops; it's as if they lose all common sense and awareness of their surroundings, thus becoming the most irritating, punch-deserving fucktards that ever walked the earth.

Or perhaps it's just me that comes across such utter mongoloids on my (increasingly) rare trips out amongst fellow "humans". I wish life could be more like cat world, where they just about tolerate each other at best, but generally have a good old scrap with ones that piss them off. No need for false niceties, or holding things in, just go for it and slap the fuckers that wind you up. Quick slap: they know they've pissed you off and go away to consider how to alter their behaviour; you can move on and forget about it.

Ahem...

Having returned to that beacon of retail wonder, Costco, to conduct a successful transaction for contact lenses, I'd had a wander round and picked up some stuff to buy (if you're interested: new winter coat; dried prunes; pizza for tomorrow night's tea; plums - can't go wrong with shopping lists). I'd also had some more fun trying on specs - still not sure, hum-hah. Anyway (choir of heavenly angels sings out: "Ahhhahahahhh, fay-vour-ite woooo-oooo-ooorrrd"), me and Mother (awwww) made our way to the till....

All the tills were fairly bustling and ours had 2 sets of shoppers in front of us. The first set loaded the conveyor with their stuff and the second pair of people stood there, in front of us, oblivious to the fact that there was a space the size of, oh at least a huge pizza, on the conveyor for them to place their soul purchase of a bottle of screen wash. And they waited, and waited, not paying attention. Worse still, they were stood a good metre from the end of the till and it was so tempting to jump in front of them with our very heavy items.

Why don't people pay attention to what's going on? I'm not advocating that people push up against each other and rush other shoppers, but fair's fair, get a fucking move on, for fuck's sake.

It reminds me of a time..... the sound of a harp as the scene fades, we're cast back to January and a novice Cakesniffer had just returned from Tesco...


Supermarket etiquette

I love Tesco! However, there are certain things about supermarkets that I cannot stand. I went to my local store this evening and the thing that always hits me there is the laziness of the customers: this is evident in the car park, with trollies strewn all over the place, taking up parking bays - all because people are such lazy bastards that they can't walk the 30 or so yard to the trolley park. Stupid twats. I think it's quite a well-to-do area (in comparison to where I live) and some of the customers must find that sort of thing beneath them. Either that or they're just inconsiderate and lazy. Second annoyance is changing stocks: you'll go there for ages, get used to a certain product and then you'll find it's been discontinued. I always find this with hair styling products and it really pisses me off - why do they do it? My family also became rather partial to Tesco's own brand chilli peanuts over Christmas and they too have been discontinued. There were a few confused and forlorn-looking punters scouring the salty snack aisle while I was there. A popular snack - gone! Yet there's a whole bloody aisle given over to Easter (25th March) and bastard Valentine's Day (14th February - I'm not bitter). I'm not just knocking Tesco for this premature assault of goods on its customers because all the supermarkets do it, but I wish they wouldn't. The year passes quickly enough as it is without bringing things forward months in advance. It won't be long before they start selling Christmas things again.

So I negotiated the shop (and they only had organic papardelle) and got to the till where the woman in front of me waited till she'd paid and my own goods were being scanned before she decided to think about packing her three items very slowly. I told the lad on the till to hang on a minute because our stuff was getting mixed up and she gave me such a glare. She was so slow and fucking retarded, but looked bright enough to know better, I could've killed her. All my stuff had been scanned by the time she picked up her bloody stuff and pissed off. I think she was one of these hippy types who refuses to be rushed by the pressures of the 21st century, but she was coming close to getting a slap - that'd have brought her into 2005! Stupid bitch. Then I got charged for three cans of borlotti beans and not two as I'd bought. Still, I should get them for free because of it.

I think I'm going to e-mail Tesco and tell them to start stocking their chilli peanuts again - they're DELISH!

You see, ten months on and I bet Tesco have started stocking those chilli peanuts again in readiness for Christmas. I shall investigate.