Fuck it then, don't write anything! That'd be too easy.
Ok, watching The Weakest Link earlier, I noticed a bespectacled young lady (yes, those sort of specs with thick, black rectangular frames!) who was called Bryony.
Now, there's a name that when you see it, you automatically want to punch the person to whom it belongs. It screams "I'm a stuck up spastic" and "Daddy's got a Porsche!". It's the sort of name that somebody who is a completely affected, stuck up nob would call their child. Other names that fit in this category are:
Jocasta,
Vida,
Hermione,
Cressida,
Candida,
Tomassina,
and my all-time top of the "slap me" shop.... Verity
These names scream "I've got a name that people will automatically hate me for, but I'll always have enough money for it not to matter."
Bryony, for fuck's sake.
Ministry for speaking the blindingly obvious
I'm not sure whether I'm just more in tuned to my absolute hatred of politicians because my loathing of our current Government, but I'm sure that this Government must have a Minster for Speaking the Blindingly Obvious.
As well as being nannied over just about everything - to such an extent that you have to ask permission to take responsibility for your own life - the Government seems to have done remarkably well at fooling the people by saying things that are completely obvious, but dressing them up as fantastic policy decisions.
"We are introducing new legislation that will enable all UK citizens to wrap up warm over the winter months!"
"Education is vital for any young person's development"
"We need a reliable and modern healthcare system"
"A dwindling pension fund means that people will have to work past retirement age"
"If you eat crap food, you grow up to be thick, obese and diabetic"
"A robust and prudent economic policy is good for the economy"
"Stability in the Middle East is vital for international security"
"Keep your workplace safe: mop up spills and don't leave trailing cables that people might slip or trip on" (This is an actual radio advert that's running at the moment)
The latest rumour is that, having failed in its bid to increase literacy and numeracy skills amongst school leavers, the Department for Education & Skills is to ask schools to introduce lessons in text messaging to our youngsters. At least they'll get a high pass rate in the national exams for that one!
Fuck me. I'm sounding like a grumpy old woman. I am a grumpy old woman.
With inspiration low, it's always great to know you can fall back on:
- Ginger beer
- Toe nails
- Getting new technology for no justifiable reason
- Flirting with your line manager
- Tinned spaghetti
- Wrapping up warm in winter
- Sycamore trees
Tree ratsGrey squirrels- Anchovies
- April Pissoff
As highly valued members of the blogging community, your responses will be treated with the utmost respect. Thankyouverymuch, we couldn't have so much fun without you.
Musical interlude?You grew up ridin' the subways, running with people
Up in Harlem, down on Broadway
Too bloody easy, that one.
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