On the eve of All Hallows

That'll be Hallowe'en or "Trick or Treat Night" if you're stupid.

I'm quite looking forward to having the kids coming round to disturb my tea with their pathetic renditions of "We're witches, of Hallowe'en, oooowwooooh. The scariest you've ever seen...". I've a mind to have two prize bags: one filled with delish sweets and chocs and the other into which I've emptied a couple of cans of cat food for them to dip their mucky little paws into.

Failing that, I might turn off all the lights in the house and stand right in front of the window, staring out into the black night. Or I may dress as a monk and hide next to the front porch and chase them up the garden path, making ghoulish noises. Or perhaps even goulash noises.

On the radio this morning, they were going on about "How will you all be celebrating Hallowe'en?" - do you celebrate Hallowe'en? Personally, I "celebrate" it by spending the evening opening the door to begging dwarves who steal all the chocolate that I bought. All the time trying to look amused and scared by their outfits. I'd be scared if one of them was dressed as my French teacher from secondary school - she was mighty frightening!

Bloody hell, Kate Bush has done a cover version of Sexual Healing on the B side of King of the Mountain. How bizarre.

So yes, Lancashire is quite famous for its witches, funnily enough. They burned a load in Pendle and Clitheroe.

It'd be quite good if there really were supernatural beings that emerged every Hallowe'en; I'd quite like to meet a ghost and have a conversation about way back.

Actually, I wouldn't. I'm fucking TERRIFIED of the thought of seeing a ghost. No idea why, but I am. It goes against all my beliefs, and my logic tells me that there's no such thing as them. I suppose that's why I'm really scared of seeing one. (Cue April).


A matter of life and death
Just had a distribution list "Awwww"/"Read this, it's really hilarious" e-mail. This one is entitled Animals are really people in disguise, sent with HIGH PRIORITY, READ ME IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE I'M REALLY IMPORTANT! status. Animals, people in disguise eh? I think that's pretty insulting to animals.

I get a lot of e-mails at work and it's my preferred method of communication because it means you a) don't have to speak to people and b) have documentary evidence of information that you've given to folk. Some people INSIST on sending all their e-mails with those little red high priority exclamation marks on them. Fuck right off. Nothing's that important and if it was, you'd be either phoning me up, or knocking on my door and hand delivering it. Nobheads.

The equivalent of this in the office is putting papers on people's chairs so that the would-be occupant can't take their seat before picking up the oh so very important bits of paper that have been put there. I've informed my colleagues that stuff gets put on my chair goes in the bin

I am truly a joy to work with.


Run like the wind!
Does anybody know what a runtime error is, why I've started getting them and how to make them FUCKING STOP???