After the break...

Commercial TV is rubbish. Well, I'm a bit biased because I think all telly is crap, but commercial television takes the piss. It's a quality thing. In an age when all of society is being dumbed down, you wonder how more like the red-top tabloids TV can become. The BBC aren't much better, but they've got to please Tony Blair and make programmes for the thick as pig-shit population that's been nurtured under his government.

Anyway, TV is crap, blah blah blah. Apart from the quality of the programming, commercial TV is also cursed with interruptions from adverts. These brain-numbing snippets of entertainment even become part of the culture. The BBC used to be a sanctuary, free from these irritants, but recently they've caught the commercial bug; they just advertise themselves between programmes instead of stuff you can buy.

So, telly is crap. But sometimes, you happen to find a programme that you like. It's on cable or ITV, but you can cope because it's really good. The dialogue is a little difficult to hear, so you turn the volume up, but not to an extent where it becomes intrusive or uncomfortable. After ten minutes' enjoyment, you hit the first commercial break. All of a sudden, out of your control, the sound level almost doubles and you've got adverts screaming out at you, bursting your eardrums.

"AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH, so loud!!!!"

You panic and hunt frantically for the remote control. Cups of coffee and cans of pop go flying. The air is blue, the adverts still scream at you, the cat has hidden himself under the sofa. You finally get the volume down to less than 100 decibels, your heart is thumping and you notice that you're bleeding through your jeans where the cat gashed your knees during his flight.

FUCKING BASTARDS! Why the fuck do they ALWAYS crank up the sound levels for the adverts? Shithead wankers. It's not as if you're going to buy a product that has caused you to go deaf - not that you'd have caught any of the products because of being distracted by excruciating agony as your eardrums burst.

I hate telly.

In the words of Trillion (she's gone, don't bother checking her blog anymore): "I have a growing list of people who I hate who I want to skewer on the world's biggest kebab. I want to see them writhe in agony as they repent for all the things they've done to piss me off". The TV companies who piss about the volume of their broadcasts are on my skewer.

Oh, has anybody seen that forms spellchecker in the Google toolbar? It is top notch!