1. Brocolli
Well, it depends. On the whole yes, but I prefer the stalks to the florets. I couldn't eat it raw, it has to be cooked to the point where the stalk still has bite, but is not crunchy. I like my cooked brocolli served tossed in olive oil with plenty of white pepper.
2. Kate Bush
Oh God, yes! This woman is unbelievable. Wonderfully weird, she has produced some works of genius (The Dreaming, Hounds of Love) counterbalanced by some utter shit (Lionheart). Influencing many artists for nearly thirty years (albeit only working for about 8 of those), you have to give Kate the big thumbs up. King of the Mountain is out on 24th of October, with Aerial being released on the 7th of November. Can't wait.
3. Only one brand of soft drink in the chiller at Tesco
Fucking twats. Get it sorted. We pay your wages, we pay for your house, you car, your bonuses. Give us what we want and don't dictate because the Coke boys have paid you off.
4. Caravans
Take your home on the road! What an excellent idea. Why waste money, spending two or three hundred pounds on hotel acommodation each year when you can have a one-off payment of up to £20,000 and drag your holiday home with you? You'll have covered the cost in just 50 years. What's more, think of all that fun you can have slowing down the traffic, or even better, closing the motorway completely when you flip the fucking thing at rush hour on a Friday evening when everybody else just wants to get home.
5. Sprouts
Yes, definitely. Again, they need to be cooked so that they're cooked and not crunchy, but not sloppy - a cross in the bottom is absolutely essential to ensure this (Jesus said so, apparently). Serve tossed in olive oil and plenty of white pepper.
6. Christmas
Yes! Love Christmas, absolutely. Buying nice pressies for people you care about. All the prepration for Christmas dinner (best meal of the year), making the Christmas cake and stuff. Plus having your house look completely fucking insane for a month? Yes, Christmas is the business. Oh yeah, and Jesus's birthday if you're a Christian and all that.
7. New Year
No. Absolutely not. No way. Hate it. Nothing on TV and you can't go out to escape it. If you do find yourself out on New Year's Eve, you find yourself getting grabbed and snogged by middle aged men shortly after midnight... yeeeeuuucchhh! And then there's the "Happy New Year. Let's hope it's better than last year. Let's hope we're here this time next year" that you've heard from your mother since you were 7.
Of course, because it's New Year, you're forced to stay out till at least 1am. You can't go to a restaurant, have a meal, then go home. You have to stick around and wait for Big fucking Ben. Not so bad if you're intent on getting shitfaced (just about the only way to make it through), but when you're tee-total, it's a fucking nightmare.
Hate it, it's completely shit.
8. Chewing gum
Yes - so long as it's wrapped and binned once finished with. Vulgar though it is, chud is excellent for freshening the breath, although people do look fucking stupid while chewing it. Bubble gum is a bit childish. I can't blow bubbles.
9. Gays and/or abortionists being the cause of natural disasters
No, don't be silly.
10. Cauliflower
Yes, but only if it's raw and pickled; any other way is pretty revolting. And it makes the house stink of farts.
Running with the Red Hand Gang
I've found somebody go out for bike rides with. I'd been pissing about with my bike (no I haven't fallen off it yet) and was taking it out to test it. Imagine my utter GLEE when I was joined by three young boys who were out playing on theirs.
Oh goody, I'm part of the Red Hand Gang at the tender age of 35. They were going to show me good places to go and do jumps, but Mum told me I had to be in for my tea.
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