I've been asked to do a post about the time when I was cast out into the wilderness for a year after a row with my best friend resulted in a "I never want to see you again!" ending. It was all very final and very upsetting and I literally felt as if a part of me had died.
The year that followed has gone down in history as my "stalking" year.
I've now tried writing this post three times and it just isn't happening. Let's just summarise the year by saying that, for two months I was a pain in the arse, writing e-mails every day, trying to phone several times a day and sending millions of text messages. I realised that I must've been quite annoying so stopped the texts and phonecalls, but the e-mails kept being sent.
One day, I got a "your message has been blocked by the recipient" sort of message and I went bezerk. Yes, I got so angry that I.... got another e-mail address and sent a "nothing to lose, you're a complete and utter bastard" e-mail. This was followed by stuffing some sentimental things (including a very special ring) into an envelope and posting the lot to them.
I calmed down a bit after that, having burnt my bridges. But the upset, regret and remorse were still as strong as ever. I felt such a nob for sending the ring back, it had meant a lot and symbolised something very special about our friendship. So I bought another almost immediately. Didn't like it, and so bought another to replace that one.
The months went by; the summer had rapidly passed me by as I'd been existing in a shocked and teary daze. The summer turned to winter and Christmas approached. I was dreading it, having had some wonderful Christmases in the past. But chin up, you've come this far without killing yourself or doing anything really stupid, you can get through Christmas by consolling yourself with salty snacks and pickles.
And I did. And I started turning things round a bit. I had to get on with my life. I started going to the gym and looking after myself a bit more, went for walks up hills, made plans to attain financial solvency (then paid over £200 for a digital camera). I was still desperately upset, but thought about things less (just the two or three times a day) and the days started growing longer as the spring approached.
Then it happened: I saw her. We shared some of the same route to and from work and I noticed her car in the traffic queue. Should you pursue them, flag them down, see if they'll talk to you? No, don't be daft, they're probably over the upset and there's no point reopening those wounds and pouring salt in them. You'll be OK, let it go. And I did.
Not knowing whether my e-mail address was still blocked by her, I sent the odd e-mail anyway. I'd always found it therapeutic, just offloading my thoughts and it was beneficial for me even if she never got to read them.
And soon enough, a year had gone by since that awful July day the year before. I'd grown up a lot; learnt to value the (remaining two) friends I had and to hold back before mouthing off. The sense of loss was as strong as ever, but I coped with it better. And by the time her birthday approached, I figured it couldn't do any harm to send her a simple card (to ruin her day), accompanied by an e-mail that may or may not have reached her.
Two weeks later, she replied.
Top tips for happy friendships/relationships
E-mails are great, but it's very easy to be a bit too honest when feelings are running high. It's also very easy for written words to be misinterpreted; a statement written with sarcasm in mind, may not be read that way by a recipient ("You're a fucking bitch and you've ruined my chances of ever being happy. You lied to me!" may by interpreted as "You're a fucking bitch and you've ruined my chances of ever being happy. You lied to me!").
If you're feeling frustrated or upset with somebody, try to get to a point of compromise by talking to them face to face.
If you do fuck up and make somebody hate you. Apologise immediately, but give them the time and space to consider that apology, do not piss them off even more by constantly harrassing them. And don't make things worse by sending vicious e-mails, it's easy to use hurtful words when you're upset, but not so easy if they're in front of you, so try to see them in person if you can. If they slam the door in your face, or object to being tied up in the boot of your car, perhaps give it a little more time before trying again, but don't as far as getting a restraining order put on you.
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