Sorry shower of shite

There are loads of different types of shower:

• Power shower
• Electric
• Thermostatic mixer
• Hydroptherapry
• Fixed head
• Detachable head
  

and not forgetting...

• Some crap thing that you fit to your bath taps

(Somebody being facetious might also throw in "April showers" and "Sunny spells with the odd shower". But I'm not like that.)

You can have separate showers in their own cubicles (they call them "enclosures" these days apparently) and even shower rooms, where everything gets wet, but you just don't care because you're all oo la la and continental.

Anyway, the Cakesniffer household has a simple shower that looks a bit of a Heath Robinson contraption; it's simply something that fits over the exisitng bath taps with a hose running from it. One day, we might progress to changing the bath taps to those that incorporate a similar device, has the same function and mechanism of working, but doesn't look quite as shit. If only I could be bothered.

So the shower runs off the hot water in the storage tank, mixed in with the required amount of cold water from the mains supply. Now, for some reason the hot water is superheated (I suppose we could turn the temperature down if we could be bothered) and a comfortable water temperture for the purpose of having a shower is very much at the mercy of having a specific and constant proportion of cold water mixed in with it. And this brings me to my main question for today. The question being:

What part of "DO NOT TOUCH THE WATER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!" do my parents not understand?

On a number of occasions, the sniffy bonce, bum and bosom has suffered scalds because Mother (aww, bless her) or Father ("Dad, are you paying attention??") have:

• "Just filled the kettle"
• "Just rinsed their hands"
• "Just briefly washed the car"
• "Just forgot"
• "Just did it to hear how loud you could scream"

Demented buggers.


Wake up, pay attention!
But Mother's (awww, bless her) lack of attention can sometimes bring great amusement. Have a look at this:

This is the electric switch unit for the central heating boiler. It's usually covered by the control unit, but this had to be taken off briefly when we were decorating last year.

Having removed the control unit, thus exposing the lectrics, I told her "I can't be arsed knocking the circuit off, so they're still live. Don't touch any of it, it's ELECTRIC."

As we were hanging the paper (which was obviously wet with wallpaper paste), she let out a sort of whimpering scream, jumped across the room, and steadied herself against the wall with her hand over her mouth.

"Mother! What did you do?"

"The wall..." she gasped, shaking, "... it bit me!"

"Yeah right, you stupid woman. You put your finger in that socket, didn't you? You've only electrocuted yourself, you'll live. You OK?"

"But I didn't know it was there!"

"And so what part of 'Don't touch that, it's lectric' don't you understand? Is it the same part of 'I'm getting in the shower, don't touch the water' that you fail to take in?"

Im surprised she's made it to the tender age of 72, clumsy bugger. But, awww, bless her. I do love her to bits.

Fuck, this is a lame one. Back with more fun later.