Do. Not. Mess. With. Me!

Fed up with people parking over my driveway, I finally flipped last night and took things into my own hands. Noticing that the offending vehicle had no security, I broke in, smashed the steering lock and moved it to the car park over the road.

I then lit the blue touch paper and Hey Presto! my own Sniffy fireworks display...

KaBOOM!!

...If only this was true.

The car fire was definitely true. Having gone for an early night, I was just dropping off at around 11pm when I was woken by one of the FUCKING BASTARD wagons from over the road, reversing; the accompanying reversing alerts just adding to the slow grind of the hugely powerful engine as it took an age to get into position. Fuckers, am I never going to be allowed any sleep because of those bastards? They'll be setting off in convoy from 4am.

At the same time, there were a few voices and the sound of running feet, followed shortly after by a loud bang! Bastards! Haven't they had enough friggin' fireworks yet? Then an almighty BANG!

The light shone through onto my bedroom wall and brought me back from the arms of Orpheus. Looking out of the window, I was met by the sight of the car on fire.

Bastard little shits who do this sort of thing want killing.

The Fire Brigade was there almost instantly:

And the fire was under control fairly quickly.

Yes, living here is like living somewhere that there's a peacekeeping presence.


Loathe thy neighbours: they are total twats
My bedroom window offered a good vantage point from which to view the ensuing hoohar. Similarly, the equivalent room in my neighbours' house would have offered the same viewpoint. So why then, did they choose to go into their back garden, from where they could see: a 7 foot fence; a shed; lots of tall sycamores; some smoke from the fire? I'll tell you why. They did it because it gave them and excuse to go into the garden and make a racket:

Screeching Harpy: "John, John, I think there's a fire over the road, can you see?"

Neanderthal man: "Ugg"

Harpy: "Oh, John! I wonder what's going on?"

Neanderthal man: "Ugg"

It was then that I noticed torchlight being shone through into my bedroom from their garden. That's right, the thick cunts were trying to use a torch to see through all the obstacles rather than getting their lazy fat arses upstairs and looking out the fucking window!

CUNTS! I HATE THEM!!!!

Of course, while they were out in their garden, you'd have thought they might have noticed the washing that they'd left out for 2 days in all weather was absorbing the smoke that was drifting over. You'd have thought so, wouldn't you?

These are the people who are raking it in as professional foster carers and incapacity benefit scroungers. Over the front door of their lovingly extended house (paid for by thee and me) is the sign: "Angels gather here". Awww, but they're such nice people, looking after those kiddies.

Anyway, I have a plan and I'm going to set them a test to see if they can find the source of tonight's fire when I set fire to his minibus. Blowing the fucker up will save him the trouble of making such a song and dance of reversing it off his drive.

Useless, waste of space, greedy, evil BASTARDS.