Things you shouldn't like, but just can't help yourself - the return

There are some things that are frowned upon by society: kiddie fiddling; cruelty to animals; using your phone while driving; voting Conservative; eating offal. According to some, these things are crimes that should be punishable by death. A little harsh, perhaps, but some folk get very emotional about things. Not your mild-mannered, easy-going, happy-go-lucky, without a care in the world Cakesniffer though. I often turn to the scriptures for guidance and think, What would Jesus say? "Let them without guilt cast the first stone" and all that.

We're all guilty of enjoying things that we really shouldn't; things we'd never come out with when asked the "So, what do you like to do in your spare time?" question in a job interview.

I suppose it's about time this got dragged out and dusted off:

• Squeezing blackheads and spots, particularly other people's, ESPECIALLY greasy men's, is one of those divine things that never ceases to bring great pleasure. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; you can measure the satisfaction against many criteria (wiggliness of the blackhead goo, splatter pattern of spot goo, whether the "seed" of the spot is released on the first attempt, number of refills); and it's an activity that can be done alone or shared with friends, lovers, family members. Fantastic! Of course, related to this is "draining the cat's abscess": cats get into fights, they get bitten, bites get infected without you noticiing, big abscess bursts while you're stroking kitty. And my God, do abscesses go on!!! Unfortunately, they also stink to high heaven, so you need a pretty strong stomach for that particular activity. They also have the associated costs of vets' bills for proper cleaning and medication, so the pleasure is lost somewhat by the financial implications.
• Smelly farts. Now, this is a weird one. Why do we like to smell our own farts, yet are sickened by those of others? Odd, isn't it?
• Gooey, post-cold snot. It's great at the end of a bad cold when your sinuses finally start to clear and you get productive snot: that really gooey, yellow/green/bloody stuff that leaves your head clear as it makes its exit. You know it's disgusting, but you just can't resist having a look. Another great nasal pleasure is the post-nosebleed blood clot. If you have a bad nosebleed and have to hold a pack under your nose to absorb the blood, when you remove the pack, there's often a huge blood clot that pulls away with it. You can feel it coming out from your nasal passage and it feels GREAT! After a few minutes, there should be the confidence for a good nose-blow and this often results in excellent bloody goo release too. It's that instant of sudden freedom from the suffocation that had been caused by the clot (or snot): in that second, you sudden come alive again and it's as if your brain can breathe too.
• Gooey, post-chest infection phlegm. Again, you shouldn't look, but you do, don't you? There are different stages of this stuff. When you've been really poorly and it's just coming up, it's sort of dark green, olive-coloured and it really, really hurts. It also smells bloody terrible and you can sort of taste it as you breathe, but you can't do anything about it. Yak.
• Last, but not least: big, massive poos. They're just the best thing in the world and I can't imagine what it must be like to only go every now and again. I love the Bristol Stool Score, and there's a pic of this posted somewhere on the b-log (log!) . Filth, pure filth.

I'd put wanking in here, but it's one of those things that I'm absolutely sure everybody does - nobody feels guilty about it, but nobody really talks about it. Since the title of the post is "Things you shouldn't like, but just can't help yourself", wanking's not really appropriate, but everybody should like it. It is embarrassing when you injure yourself though and you have to explain why you're limping or hold your head in a strange way. I even use the excuse of excessive use of a scroll mouse for stiffness in my index finger.

Going the gym provides a great excuse for all over body stiffness and strange gaits. Strangely enough, I have injured my knee and if feels a bit weak so I'm limping on it. I did it on the treadmill, Your Honour!


PS What's the approval rating on the new pic?