Part timer

Mongoloids
Some of the people I work with are complete mongs. As I've alluded to, I work across 2 bases, so my week is split 50/50 between them. That's the theory. In practice I tend to spend more time in one because of the workload, so I only end up coming here (Base 2) one or two days a week.

We have "housekeepers" at Base 2. There are two of these ladies who job share, so they work alternate weeks. I came in this morning and Pam, who's pretty thick, said "Oh hello, long time no see", as if to say, "Where the fuck have you been, you lazy cow?". She obviously failed to realise that it's her that's not been here, not me.

I hate being called a part-timer when I work longer hours than any of these bastards. I travel 30-odd miles to get here, arrive at least an hour before everybody else (during which time I blog away to my heart's content) and they all saunter in at 9.15, complaining about the queues at Asda where they've just "nipped in" before coming to work. They then have a go at me for leaving before 5pm, despite the fact that I've got an hour's drive ahead of me.

The world would be a better place without them. Pam doesn't even make us toast. I think this is because she doesn't know how to work a toaster, or a loaf of bread. She hasn't got any eyebrows either.


Hot
Summer's here in Britain (except Scotland I think). About fucking time too. We're expecting temperatures of about 24°C today and it's going to be sunny. I'm ashamed to say that I'm wearing sandals, no socks, and I haven't even got nail polish on my toes. Disgraceful. My heel skin is in need of a bit of pumicing, but these sandals don't show heel anyway.

At least I haven't got my big, fuck-off flabby arms out though!

I do love the summer. I love that inability to control your temperature. It's wonderful being so uncomfortably hot. Other people can't cope though. At Base 1, I have to suffer the indignity of Park & Ride to get to work while there's a huge construction project going on. I was on the bus the other day and this big, massive woman got on, sat next to a colleague of hers and said "I can't wait till winter, I hate this weather". I almost turned round and slapped her. If I'd have knocked some of her teeth out, perhaps she wouldn't be able to stuff her face for a week or so. Consequently she'd lose a bit of weight and the insulation that's making the ever-so hot 23°C temperatures we've had to endure for all of 2 days so fucking unbearable to her! Twat.

For my other thoughts about NHS employees and summer in general, you may wish to cast your mind back to:

Plastic spoons and used teabags, 17th February 2005
Farts, 26th April 2005
Tiger Tim Henman, 4th May 2005
Workplace stress, 13th May 2005
Summer bees, 24th May 2005
Summer madness, 8th June 2005



Periods
In the words of Tina Turner, Women of a certain age... well, I can't remember what comes after, but all I know is that most women of a certain age (between about 13 and 45) have periods. I'm not getting into the whole menstrual cycle, PMS, butcher's slab thing - it's been done to death and it's not interesting.

Women are a bit funny when they've "got the decorators in": like I said, nearly every woman has periods, but even in a female-dominated workplace, most try to hide the fact when they're having theirs. Not that I go looking, but there are telltale signs, the biggest one being, taking their handbag to the toilet. I don't get that. I just get my toxic shock tampon from wherever it's been mangled in my bag or desk drawer, and I go.

One of the worst things about periods, and ladies' toilets in general, is the sanitary disposal unit.

These things stink. I don't know what they use to clean them out, but it's disgusting. You sometimes knock the foot pedal that opens the flap of doom by accident and you get this waft of death that circulates the entire lav.


Hang on a minute!
Hazlenut flavoured coffeemate? Why haven't we got this in the UK????


Joke:
Q: What's better - Parkinsons or Alzheimers?
A: Parkinsons. It's better to spill half your drink than forget where you put it...