When you think of these great isles of ours, this wonderful Britain, what springs to mind? The Queen, our history, culture, the Empire and Commonwealth, a land of opportunity and fairness, rolling countryside? Then there's the summer: cream teas and picnics, the sound of leather on willow, strawberries and cream, the gentle knock of the tennis ball over the net..... Wimbledon perhaps? Timmy's tried his hardest, but we need to accept that Britain may never produce a Wimbledon champion. However, one person that will ALWAYS excel at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club is the Peter Pan of Pop, our very own.....Sir Cliff Richard
A "complete tosser"
Some would describe the narcissistic "rocker" as a complete tosser and they'd be absolutely right.
Many have questioned his reasons for never settling down with a nice girl. Some have questioned his sexuality, pointing out that his Christian values would never permit him to come out. However, the main reason why this man has never found a love to call his own is that it's simply impossible to love another when you love yourself so much.
"I know you love me"
Despite his clean-cut image, Cliff's official website has made some rather startling photos available to his adoring fans. I've had to crop this one, but the full size image show Cliff being blown-off by a young Phillipino boy. Claims of exploitation were brushed aside by Cliff, who pointed out that he had generously provided the boy and his family with free tickets to the Stockport leg of his 2005 Christmas tour.
"You know you love me"
A good Christian batchelor boy
After himself, Cliff has only one other love, errm after music, self-promotion, tennis and skiing, that is. This love is his love of JC. Cliff came out as a Christian at the height of his career and has Jesus to thank for much of his success. Without Jesus, there'd be no Christmas and without Christmas, there'd be no Christmas number 1 to aim for. Cliff's most audacious attempt to jump on the Jesus bandwagon came in 1999 when he tried to hijack Christ's 2000th birthday with the amazing "Millenium Prayer". Jesus didn't want Cliff as his sunbeam that Christmas and Millenium Prayer was kept from the Christmas top spot by Bob the Builder. Thank fuck.
But all credit to Cliff, he always spreads the word of the Lord by pretending to be Jesus on the Cross during his live performances.
"Jesus loves me more than He loves anybody else"
It's so funny, how we don't talk anymore
Is it? How can anybody have a conversation with somebody when they can't get a word in edge-ways in between the "me", "I", "number 1", "tennis", "me"?
So Cliff, just do the world a favour and piss off, will you?
3 comments:
I looked up tosser and I now know what it means. It is UK slang for a vulgar act. And I am not a tosser because I don't do things like that as I have good morals. I look up Cliff Richard because I and his other fans like to see what people say about him and we know the bad things they say are wrong. I like him and his singing.
Cliff must be talented. He has been making a living at it for 49 years. So a lot of people must think he has talent as his concerts sell out all the time. He can sing better than Sting and Mick Jagger and Justin Timberlake. I know what a wanker is now too. It is Uk slang for a vulgar act. And I don't do things like that as I have too much respect for myself.
Just fuck off, I'm not interested. you're embarrassing yourself.
You should have a wank, you don't know what you're missing.
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