Things I'm totally crap at

There are a few things that I'm totally useless at. In fact there are probably LOADS of things that I can't do, but some simple, everyday tasks cause me so much frustration that, at times, I really feel like ending it all.

What do the following things have in common?

Yes, that's right, all these are simple sorts of tasks that I can't do. I'll elaborate:

• I can't screw the tops onto jars. I have particular difficulty with those plastic lids that you get on jars of coffee.
• I've never been able to fold a piece of paper in half. I remember trying for the first time in primary school and I still can't do it today - the unfolded edges never line up straight for me.
• I've never been able to climb trees, and ladders cause me terrible anxiety. Ladders and trees in combination are out of the question.
• People laugh at me when I tie my shoelaces - it's something to do with the index finger of the left hand. Yes that is my trainer, yes those are my hands.
• I can't ice skate or rollerskate - not many can - but I can't walk on slippery surfaces to save my life. I can't cope with anything that makes me unsteady on my feet.
• I can't say the word "thief", it always comes out as fieth. And when I mean "that old chestnut", it always comes out as "that old nutmeg".
• I can't take a landscape photograph with a straight horizon.
• I have difficulty forming close relationships and I can't maintain eye contact when I speak to people.

There are loads of others, but I'm not in the mood for berating myself too much today, so I'll leave it here.