I've been doing things with a 14 day old baby - the type of things that you can only do with a 14 day old baby: changing nappies, cleaning bottoms, having my nose suckled (I got a bit to close when she was hungry and she went for me).
Babies are pretty crap at that age; they only notice you if you're lactating, otherwise they just sleep, poo and scream.
Poo
Baby poo is weird stuff. It smells like it comes from the fiery pits of hell, but looks like something that's been reconstituted with boiling water with a name that is prefixed with "Pot". Oh, and it's bright yellow.
Like the baby's nappies, I'd had my fill of that shit by the time I came home.
If anybody's interested, there's a site dedicated to baby poo. As much as babies are squishy and nice, I can't imagine kissing one of their arses knowing what comes out of them. All too often this weekend I had to dodge flying piccalilly poo when I'd removed the baby's nappy and was trying clean her little bum. You think you're safe and then BANG! a little bit of projectile poo comes flying out at you.
So no, I won't be getting my lips anywhere near one of those things.
Maternal instincts
No
Smells
I've been meaning to write something about smells for some time now. It should really go into a post in its own right, but I'm not sure how it'll go so it'll do here for now.
Smells are the most likely things to evoke a memory. There are certain smells that will send shivers down my spine because they trigger some dim and distant memory that I'd thought long banished into the depths of my mind (and washed away with several hundred litres of booze over the years too). The memories can be good or bad, or a bit confused because I can't place them, but the response is always the same: a kind of tingliness in the back of my neck and butterflies in my stomach. I think the strongest memories are quite personal ones. Here are a few of them:
- Libraries - no sniggers please - Libraries always have a weird smell.
- My auntie's kitchen, and the roadside pine trees in Italy.
- Exam papers: no matter whether they were at school or university, they always had the same smell and there was always a background tinge of Polo mints from my supply on the desk.
- Perfumes: this is a big one, but one particular one is Estee Lauder's Youth Dew, which my late auntie always used to wear.
- Certain houses: when some friends moved into a place a few years ago, it had the same smell as somewhere I'd lived as a student. It freaked me out and brought back memories of the sniffer owl that I thought was after some gange that was in my room.
- Christmas morning: waking up to the smell of the roasting turkey - fantastic, there's nothing like it.
You get the message. What about you lot, have you got any particular smells that knock you a bit whatsit?
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