Maternal instinct

I think I'd like a child, it'd be nice to be a mum. However, I don't EVER want to get pregnant or to give birth. Absolutely not, no fucking way.

One of my closest friends almost died yesterday after giving birth to her 9lb baby - 9lb!!! That's one big lump to squeeze out when you only weigh about 7st. She went through a 36 hour labour, lost loads of blood and gave birth in, what her husband described as, "a medieval torture chamber".

He said, "They finally got her out, and the second she was born she started this high-pitched squealing that lasted for an hour, and the whole time, they were trying to stop [his wife] from bleeding to death.

"I can't look at her [the baby]; when she came out she looked like she had some sort of syndrome and today she just looks really ugly. I don't really care about the baby right now, I just want her [his wife] to be OK.

"I got home from the hospital and they phoned me up immediately to say they were taking her to theatre, so I had to go straight back. She said the whole bed was awash with blood, with her blood!"

It's the stuff nightmares are made of. They're both suffering from exhaustion and post-traumatic stress.

I can't imagine anything being worth putting yourself through that for: 3 months of sickness; 5 months of carrying a huge lump around with you; then almost dying getting the little bugger out and all that pain.

Still, I'm now officially a sort of auntie and I'll be really pleased once I know everybody's come through it alright.