Sticky moments

Just to fulfil my being as an connoisseur of the aroma of bakery, I think I'm going to play this game slightly differently. I'm going to try to think of an answer for each of the categories.

Here goes:

• If I could be a musician... I would be Tori Amos
• If I could be a doctor... I'd be THE Doctor and fight all the baddies in the Universe
• If I could be a painter... I'd be a painter of homes, as in painter and decorator
• If I could be a gardener... I'd be Capability Brown
• If I could be a missionary... I'd be Mother Theresa of Calcutta
• If I could be a chef... I'd be Nigella Lawson (although I know she isn't really a chef)
• If I could be an architect... I'd be lost
• If I could be a linguist... I'd be the amazing Michel Thomas - amazing life story and now loaded from his language courses
• If I could be a psychologist... I'd be Michael Rutter, who did a lot of work in developmental psychology that was very interesting
• If I could be a librarian... I'd be 3rd Assistant Librarian Lyrael from the Abhorsen books by Garth Nix
• If I could be an athlete... I'd be Jesse Owens; anybody who could do that to Hitler is a legend
• If I could be a lawyer... I'd kill myself first
• If I could be an innkeeper... I'd be the one in Bethlehem, you know the one
• If I could be a professor... I'd be Professor Jackie Oldham of the University of Manchester - lovely woman, very well respected
• If I could be a writer... I'd be Philip Pullman: I'd kill to have the ability to produce the Dark Materials stuff
• If I could be a llama-rider... I'd be a much happier person, I'm sure of it
• If I could be a bonnie pirate... I'd be Pete the Ninja Pirate from Weebl & Jolt fame - Avast ye, scurvy dogs!
• If I could be a service member... I'd be in the bunch of people that first liberated the Nazi death camps. Not pleasant, I know, but to be there to witness the horror and hope must've been awesome
• If I could be a business owner... I'd be Mr or Miss Pret a Manger, even though I think they're owned by McDonald's now
• If I could be an actor... I'd be Doris Day
• If I could be an agent... I'd be Agent Orange. No I wouldn't, that's horrible. I'd be Zoe from Spooks.
• If I could be video game designer... I'd be the person that designed Tetris
• If I could be a comic book artist... I'd be either Goschiny or Uderzo of Asterix the Gaul fame. Failing that, Bill Waterson for his wonderful Calvin and Hobbes and the way in which he refused to cash in on commercialising his work through merchandising.
• If I could be a hooker... I'd be Keiron Cunnigham, who plays for St Helens RLFC (boom, boom!)
• If I could be a crack addict.... I'd be very sick
• If I could be a porn star.... I'd be very sore and rather embarrassed
• If I could be a mime.... I'd be the invisible box
• If I could be a domestic engineer... I'd be my mum
• If I could be a chimney sweep.... I'd be the Dick van Dyke character in Mary Poppins, but do the accent properly
• If I could be a masseuse... I'd have very sore hands
• If I could be a taxi driver.... Robert De Niro's character in Taxi driver "You talkin' to me?"
• If I could be a priest... I'd be my friend the Hamster, who I admire and respect immensely
• If I could be a fighter pilot... I'd be the one that finally shot down that bastard Maverick in Top Gun
• If I could be a homeless person... I'd be Cane from Kung fu
• If I could be a biker... I'd be dead by now
• If I could be a mortician... I'd be the Kenneth Williams character in Carry on screaming
• If I could be a horror film killer... Hannibal Lecter
• If I could be a movie writer... Steven Spielberg
• If I could be a muppet... Miss Piggy
• If I could be a fast food product... Proper English chips from a proper chippy
• If I could be a piece of office equipment... Trillion's desk chair or her Emotiboard
• If I could be a head of state... I'd be the Queen, God bless her!
• If I could be a member of a boy band... Little Mark Owen from Take That - it didn't matter that he was crap, everybody still loved him
• If I could be a Wednesday... I'd be today; there's no day like this one
• If I could be a list... I'd be my first Christmas list, when I didn't really know what was going on, but I put things down (like a crappy tambourine) and I got everything.
• If I could be a figment of someone's imagination... That person would surely be very psychologically disturbed

I'd really like to pass this on to Ryan J and his mate Will, I think it'd be very funny. OK, I'd like to pass this on to... there's nobody left! How's about we got some sort of response from our mate Dave, Dalek or Borg?

I would like to add the following though and see if any of you lot have any ideas.

• Singer
• Famous inventor
• Comedian

My answers to these are

• Singer - Natalie Imbruglia; she's gorgeous and very natural. Failing that, Divine, who's (was) anything but
• Famous inventor - Mr Electricity
• Comedian - Victoria Wood