Best of British

Warning, this post is nothing more than a diatribe against British folk you'll see far too often on the large and small screen (and hear in audio books).

Imagine a film with the following cast:

• Stephen Fry
• Alan Rickman
• Ricky Gervais
• Billy Connolly
• Dame Judy Dench
• Zoe Wannamaker
• Maggie Smith
• Emma Thompson

Makes you want to cry doesn't it? Every single fucking film that needs somebody to be the epitome of Britishness has to include somebody from this list.

Looking at the Hitch-hiker's guide to the Galaxy, who was chosen to be the voice of the "guide"? Fucking Stephen bastard Fry. We need a voice for somebody miserable and English to play a robot (could be any one of 40-odd million of us), we'll go for Alan Rickman. They do the audio books for Harry Potter, they choose Stephen fucking Fry and then they use Alan Rickman, Zoe Wannamaker and Maggie bleedin' Smith in the cast! And that bloke who plays Hagrid, what's his name? Oh yeah, Robbie "Mr Scottish" Coltrane, but he doesn't play as a Scot as written in the book, oh no, he plays it with an ooower-eeewer West Country or Norfolk trakterrr boy accent.

Stephen Fry takes a break from acting a ponce

Jeez, if that's the best we've got to offer. Still at least the Americans think the Catherine Zeta Jones is one of them (let's face it, she was never really British anyway, what with being Welsh and all).

And now, oh yes, now Twinings are doing adverts for their tea on the box and who's in them? Mr "English" Stephen fucking Fry a-fucking-gain!

I put Ricky Gervais in that list because I just don't like him very much, although I do admit to really enjoying The Office.

I didn't include Julie Walters because I like her alot.

The things you see when you haven't got a gun: Parky, Billy & Dame Judi

I really cannot stand Billy Connolly, he's a complete turd, he's not funny and he's far too Scottish for anybody's liking. The only person who thinks Billy Connolly is funny is that bird he shacked up with from Not the 9 O'clock News and Michael Parkinson. Michael Parkinson is paid stacks of cash to be sycophantic and to cry with laughter at bad jokes. Des O'Connor cries with laughter at bad jokes too, but I don't think he's paid quite as much; perhaps he's just slightly mental.

Ahh, I can relax for the day now that that's off my chest.