Tuesday 1 March 2005

I hate my life

Do you ever get the feeling that you're getting a raw deal? No matter what you do to try to improve things, there's always somebody trying to stop you moving forward - mainly because of their own selfish motivations. I'm having difficulties with my contract at work, I'm quite disgruntled.

Despite generally enjoying my job I'm feeling forced to look for something else. But everytime something appropriate comes up, something where there's a strong suspicion that I'd apply, it seems that my current bosses manage to wangle their ways onto the prospective interview panels - despite these being external positions. I don't think that's particularly fair. In fact, I think it's downright horrible. But that's what happens when you're a "highly valued member of the team". If I was so highly valued, I wouldn't have had to wait over 18 months for a contract, I wouldn't have gone 4 years without a pay award, I wouldn't feel like I was constantly overlooked for things and held back, I wouldn't feel forced to look for something else. They can't give me what I need, but they keep blocking my attempts to leave.

I try to stay positive and see the funny side of things; there's usually something humorous to eek out of most situations - something to help you pick yourself up and move on, try a different approach. Today I'm not in that place. Today I've had it confirmed that I'm being shafted. Today I am utterly fed up. Today I feel like giving up. Today I want to go to my favourite place to be alone and for it all to be better when I get back...

This is Peel Tower on Holcombe Moor, near Ramsbottom in Lancashire. The world is quiet there.

...it's just a shame that it's pitch black and freezing cold.

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