Another day in paradise

I’m quite bored today. Most of my usual contacts for e-mail exchanges are off sick, so I’m stranded out here with nobody to talk to and nobody to e-mail. Bummer. I think people are just plain inconsiderate at times. Even the BBC News website is pretty poor today.

A person who wasn’t so thick-skinned might actually get upset at the way some people act around here. There’s one woman who completely ignores me; she walks past my office each morning, looking ahead, no hello, nothing. I walk into the office she shares with a few others and she will completely blank me. Weird. It’s just a good job that I don’t give a shit, but I find it really odd behaviour. She must’ve been earwigging when I was slagging her off to somebody. But that’s no excuse; if she’s got a problem, she should tell me to my face! Har, har, har, har, har!!!

Carmelita is rather quiet today, I hope she’s not building up to something. She’s another funny one (funny ha ha AND funny stuurrrange!). This is the one that picked up all the litter from the canal bank and, instead of being the dutiful citizen and putting it in the bin, she threw it all over the local expressway. “Well, you see,” she explained, “the car drivers never see the litter that people throw near the canal so I thought they should!” To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement. I told her that it was the most insane thing I’d ever heard, and that she was a menace and a danger who deserved to be locked up. But it’s the way she speaks, too. She doesn’t half rrrrrrrrrrrroll her Rrrrrrrrrs: “Oh Brrrrrrrrrrrendah, hellooooo!” But it’s not a pure “r” either, it’s said as if she closes the back of her tongue against the back of her mouth as she says it; sort of a bit throaty, but not phlegmy – bizarre. And she pronounces “re” as “ray”, so when she’s referring to a person, you always think their first name is Ray. Fucking bonkers. She acts as if somebody would act if they asked to act “overly eccentric, mad and slightly scary with it”.


I ask myself every day
When you feel that nobody loves you,

Nobody cares for you,

And everyone is ignoring you,

You should start asking yourself...

Am I TOO sexy?