Sniffy Experimentals: Keyboard cleanliness (don't try this at home)

This is a sort of Sniffy experimentals for everyone to try out on their PC keyboard at work - for the type of person that's chained to their desk, even over dinner (lunch). Or for those who are chained to their desks at home, it might work there too.

1. Grasp keypboard at either end.
2. Move the keyboard to arms length, so that it is centred over the desk surface.
3. Tip keyboard onto its bottom edge, slightly angled forwards at the top edge.
4. Bash the bastard, or perhaps just give it a gentle tap if you're feeling fragile or ladylike.
5. Marvel at all the crap that comes out from between the keys.

Let's just say, I wish I'd had my camera with me at work last week when I decided to clean my keyboard. The shit that came out of it could've been used to keep the garden birds going throughout the winter months. DIZZZGUSSSTING!

In fact, one of my colleagues once told me that some proper scientists had shown that people's desks at work are so filthy that, if they found that many bugs and nasties in a food outlet, they'd shut it down permanently. How nice. The thing is, keyboards are so difficult to clean that you're probably better off with a disposable one. Or an emotiboard that only types out "I'm dirrrrty, I'm really dirrrty. You love it when I'm dirrrty" when it gets too fluffy or manky.

This is my home PC's keyboard:

It's quite flat, a bit like a laptop keyboard I suppose. I'm pretty much chained to my desk at home, but I don't tend to eat while at my computer (except the odd ginger nut or fig roll). But still, this delightful selection of vileness fell out from between the clicky buttons when I gave the board a bash:

Although I don't tend to eat at my desk at home, I do have a habit of clipping my fingernails here and those fucking little clippings fly all over the bloody place - yes, that's what those little white bits are. There was also enough of Max in there to clone him. Then again, the DNA would be contaminated with bits of my fingernails and the resulting chimaera would be either a very furry me, or a curly-haired Max.

In the background of the top photo, you can see my fucking useless cordless optical mouse that drives me up the wall with its uncontrolled, "Devil-in-my-mouse" psychotic dancing. Useless piece of shit.

So, if you're sad like me (I'm very sad apparently), get your digicams to hand and give it a go. E-mail your photos into me here at Cakesniffers and I'll see about doing a Connie-esque montage (or is it a collage?) to delight and disgust you all with...

I'm off to find some old shopping lists to regale you all with!