Friday 4 February 2005

Things you shouldn't like, but just can't help yourself

Squeezing blackheads and spots, particularly other people's, ESPECIALLY greasy men's, is one of those divine things that never ceases to bring great pleasure. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; you can measure the satisfaction against many criteria (wiggliness of the blackhead goo, splatter pattern of spot goo, whether the "seed" of the spot is released on the first attempt, number of refills); and it's an activity that can be done alone or shared with friends, lovers, family members. Fantastic!



Of course, related to this is "draining the cat's abscess": cats get into fights, they get bitten, bites get infected without you noticiing, big abscess bursts while you're stroking kitty. And my God, do abscesses go on!!! Unfortunately, they also stink to high heaven, so you need a pretty strong stomach for that particular activity. They also have the associated costs of vets' bills for proper cleaning and medication, so the pleasure is lost somewhat by the financial implications.



Smelly farts. Now, this is a weird one. Why do we like to smell our own farts, yet are sickened by those of others? Odd, isn't it?



Gooey, post-cold snot. It's great at the end of a bad cold when your sinuses finally start to clear and you get productive snot: that really gooey, yellow/green/bloody stuff that leaves your head clear as it makes its exit. You know it's disgusting, but you just can't resist having a look. Another great nasal pleasure is the post-nosebleed blood clot. If you have a bad nosebleed and have to hold a pack under your nose to absorb the blood, when you remove the pack, there's often a huge blood clot that pulls away with it. You can feel it coming out from your nasal passage and it feels GREAT! After a few minutes, there should be the confidence for a good nose-blow and this often results in excellent bloody goo release too. It's that instant of sudden freedom from the suffocation that had been caused by the clot (or snot): in that second, you sudden come alive again and it's as if your brain can breathe too.



Gooey, post-chest infection phlegm. Again, you shouldn't look, but you do, don't you? There are different stages of this stuff. When you've been really poorly and it's just coming up, it's sort of dark green, olive-coloured and it really, really hurts. It also smells bloody terrible and you can sort of taste it as you breathe, but you can't do anything about it. Yak.



Last, but not least: big, massive poos. They're just the best thing in the world and I can't imagine what it must be like to only go every now and again. I love the Bristol Stool Score, and there should be a pic of this posted somewhere on the b-log (log!) if I've managed to use picassa properly.



Filth, pure filth.



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