This has got to be the best meal of the year. Given a choice of last meal of a woman condemned to death, I reckon the Christmas dinner would be right up there at the top of the list. From July onwards (just after the last sprout from the previous one has fully digested), I start thinking of my Christmas dinner.
Fuckin' delish!
In the Sniffy household, we wake up on Christmas morning to the smell of the turkey cooking in the oven (if the oven timer has worked properly). All the veg are prepared on Christmas Eve, so it leaves things fairly relaxed. However, our dinner is a mix of traditional English and also Italian food, so we start off with a portion of lasagne before digging in to the turkey.
On Christmas morning, diners Chez Sniff are invited to relax to the sounds of carols on the radio while availing themselves of a variety of savoury and sweet nibbles that are distributed about the house.
During this time, the turkey undergoes its final crisping in the oven, accompanied by roasties, and the veg are cooked. The turkey is removed from the oven and replaced with the ready prepared lasagne.
Tina picks crispy bits of bacon off the back of the bird and generally gets in the way while Connie starts to panic.
In the relaxed atmosphere of the dining room, with the Queen in the corner, the guests enjoy a portion of lasagne and the pull on a cracker. The wine starts to flow. Mum returns to the kitchen where the main course is dished up. This consists of:
- Turkey (with whatever remains of the crispy bits of bacon)
- Turkey sausages
- Stuffing
- Sprouts (just on the turn from firm to soft so as the sweetness has started to come through*)
- Orange and white stuff that I don't touch with a bargepole (carrots and swede I think)
- Boiled potatoes
- Roast potatoes
- Roast parsnips
- Gravy
*There used to be a bit of a joke about Mother's sprouts being too soft; they're not, they're lovely. I hate it when people just blanch their veg so they're almost raw. Sprouts are too bitter unless they're cooked just the just beyond firm stage. Served with butter - and lots of white pepper of course - they are delish.
Pudding takes another three courses:
- Christmas pudding (with cream)
- Panettone
- Mince pies
Today is my first Christmas dinner here at the hospital canteen and I'm really looking forward to it; we have a great canteen here and they do an excellent Christmas dinner. I see this as a sort of trial run so that I can prepare my digestive system for the main assault that lies ahead on Christmas Day.
Yum, yum, YUM!
A post script: Keep that fucking shit off my plate!
There's no frigging way I'll accept any of the following on my Christmas dinner plate:
- Carrots, turnips, swedes
- Cranberry sauce
- Bread sauce
- Mange tout
- Broccolli
- Spinach
- Cabbage
- Cauliflower
- Peas
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