All drivers find themselves queuing at traffic lights on a daily basis. You've already been unsuccessful in getting through one set of lights, but if people in front of you get a wriggle on, you should easily get through the next set when they change back to green.
You wait for what seems an age. You're being patient though; the car's in neutral, the handbrake is on, you've had a shit journey so far, but you're nearly home now. Watching the other set of lights, you see them change from green, to amber, to red. You see red and amber and then green on your set of lights.
OK, we're off! Depress clutch, engage first gear, hand ready on brake lever and wait...
... and wait
... and wait
... and, oh we're moving
amber
red
... and, oh we've stopped again
It has taken the person at the front of the queue ten seconds to realise that the lights have changed to green, a further two to register what to do to get their car moving, another five to start moving - very, very, very slowly - and then they decide to turn the corner, very, very slowly. Another car gets through the lights behind them, but the remaining traffic stays put, having moved all of 5 metres forward.
Why?
Why can't people just watch the lights, be ready (that's what red and amber means), then GO GO GO! (with caution, of course) when the green light comes on? Why does it take so fucking long for people to set off at traffic lights, and why can't people turn corners at more than 2 miles an hour? Why don't they just bloody walk?
Fuckers.
Tossers.
Spazzes.
Fucking about with stuff
For years and years - we're talking decades here - British pedestrians have been able to cross the road in relative safety by means of the Pelican Crossing. A great device whereby you press a button and wait for the red man on the stick over the road to change to green, but DON'T START CROSSING IF HE STARTS TO FLASH! I think it makes sense not to cross towards any man who's flashing at you, irrespective of his colour.
Anyway, The Mysterious They (whoever they are), have started to change things. Dont know why, but they have. We're now getting so-called intelligent "Puffin Crossings" instead.
After being brought up to look at the man over the road, we now have to search through crowds of people to see if we can see the man on our side of the road. So instead of having an angle of 180° to look at in front of you, we have to face away from the traffic, turn away from the road and look through the people stood next to us to try to catch a glimpse of him. By the time you've noticed that he's been on green, he's already turned back to red. They also position the traffic lights so you can't see what colour they're on either. You are totally at the mercy of the green man, should you be fortunate enough to be able to see him
Fucking idiots who thought this up want extremely high voltages pumped through their heads until they see the error of their ways. Why fuck about with a system that has worked perfectly well for decades? Moreover, why fuck about with it and introduce something that isn't nearly as safe?
It's because they want to control you. They think that people aren't clued up enough to realise that, if all the traffic lights are on red, it's safe to cross. Instead, you get so frustrated with hanging around for ages not knowing what's going on that you just go for it anyway.
Well done! Fucktards.
Ho, ho, ho!
After yesterday's whinge about being on mail distribution lists for loads of crap jokes and shit, I got this today...
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