Hands up!

People make mistakes, it's human nature. There's nothing particularly wrong with this and, likewise, there's nothing wrong with holding your hands up and admitting that you've cocked up, or that you're in the wrong. You fuck up while driving - you hold your hand up and apologise. You fuck up at work, well, I won't go into that.

Of course, this doesn't apply to the parents and grandparents of unruly children, who are of course immune to all admonishment.

I shall recount the tale of last night's trip to that beacon of retail wonder, Costco (heavenly choirs sing out at the mention of its hallowed name).

While wandering the aisles, I couldn't help but notice a young family, their two young boys (about 4-6 years in age, probably named Kyle, Callum, Connor, or Ryan - they had gelled hair) who were accompanied by denim-clad, hip-chick grandmother. The boys were excited and become more boisterous; they were being egged on by their grandmother. They started running around the aisles, with "Nan" calling them to run back to her. Then they made one.big.mistake: after a particularly long full-pelt run down the pickles and sauces aisle, the younger of the two boys ran into me.

I stopped, eyes raised in prayer to God, begging Him to show a sign of His existence by striking down this family - if not with a bolt of lightning, then at least with a dramatic collapse of shelving. It didn't happen, but at least the boy's mother said "Sorry". I pointed out that the chldren shouldn't be running around the store and this is where Grandma stepped in:

Her: "It's not as if they're running around, out of control."

Me: "If they were under control, they wouldn't be running into people."

Her "Blah. blah - not causing any trouble - blah, blah, blah" (the red mist was rising in me at this point and it automatically engages aural cut-off)

Me: "You'd be screaming blue murder, blaming me or Costco and seeking compensation if they ran into a pallet or shelf or trolley and hurt themselves."

Her: "Blah, blah, blah"

At this point an employee stepped in and pointed out the sign, right next to them, that said that children must be kept accompanied at all times because it can be dangerous when they're moving stuff about on pallets and trucks. She then tried to start an argument with him.

During this time, the parents of the boys were actually quite reasonable: they told the children off, told them to calm down and insisted that they held their hands. Good on them.

I was waiting, almost begging her to come out with the classic, "I bet you haven't got kids", or "Can't you remember what it's like to be a kid?", but she let me down and I'd already walked off after the Costco man had intervened. However, my response to such provocation would've been:

"Please take a moment to explain what relevance that has on the behaviour of these particular children, because it has none whatsoever. Besides, I do remember what it was like to be a child and I remember that we were never, EVER allowed to run around in shops. And yes, I do detest children, lots of people do and some people aren't as controlled as me, so you should bear that in mind when you're out with these two. Now fuck off you four-eyed, wrinkly, mutton-dressed-as-lamb cunt!"

I think a lot of the bad behaviour of children can be attributed to lack of parental control. However, grandparents are complete and utter cocks.