Pop goes the ovary

During a discussion at work as to the reasons for our trousers being a little on the tight side, in addition to pointing out that we're all a bit podgy, I used the excuse that I was ovulating and that I always swell up (a touch more than usual) at the P of the pop. My colleagues claimed never to have felt themselves ovulating. And these so-called women are supposed to be in tune with their feminine sides, womanhood and all that, having sporned their offspring.

Why would a woman not feel herself ovulating?

a) She has no ovaries
b) She has no follicles
c) She doesn't ovulate for another reason
d) She is really a man
e) She is fucking useless, with no idea what's going on, how it all fits together or how it's controlled

Weird.

I bet women like that have no idea how to masturbate. I bet women like that think that women can't masturbate.

Fuck.

All those bras burned and what for??

How can you not feel when something inside you swells to up to 2cm and then pops? How can the huge hormone spikes at this time not register any noticeable physiological signs? And, what about that kind of gooeyness that happens? And the orange/brown wee? (Perhaps that's just me).

It's beyond me how these women manage to get themselves out of bed in the morning.


Pop goes the Data Protection Act
Some fucking numpty has just been on the phone asking whether we were interested in saving money on telephone calls. I asked him if he was interested in being prosecuted for breech of the Data Protection Act and then had to explain to him, a telesales "professional", that such businesses are not allowed to contact anybody who has registered with the Telephone Preference Service.

Him: "Are you going to prosecute me?"

Me: "No, but the Information Commissioner may shut down your 2-bit pile of shite little operation if enough people complain about unsolicited telephone calls from you. You're supposed to check before you phone people. Your boss should know about this."

Him: "I understand that it must be very irritating to be contacted this way."

Me: "Yes, it is. So, a) why the fuck do you do it? and b) why the fuck do you think we registered this number with TPS in the first place???"

Him: "So you're not interested in saving money?"

Me: "Grrrrrrrrr."

Him: "I'll take you off the database."

Me: "Good idea."

Tossers.