You meet all sorts of people during your life. Some of them you'll forge frienships and other relationships with and you'll keep them with you for years. Others you meet and keep at arms length or maintain a professional relationship with them.
Sometimes, it's better to keep a safe distance from certain colleagues because they're absolutely off their fucking rockers mental.
I've had great pleasure in working with some prize fruitcakes in my time (Katherine - links above - being one of them), but I'm particularly privileged in still working with one of the best ones in my current job, right now... still.... after all these years! Let's do her the honour of calling her "Carmelita".
She’s lovely - great in fact - a funny one (funny ha ha AND funny stuurrrange!). This is the person that picked up all the litter from the canal bank and, instead of being the dutiful citizen and putting it in the bin, she threw it all over the local expressway. “Well, you see,” she explained, “the car drivers never see the litter that people throw near the canal so I thought they should!” To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement. I told her that it was the most insane thing I’d ever heard, and that she was a menace and a danger who deserved to be locked up.
Carmelita is the one who, after a swan that was nesting on the hospital pond was shot dead, suggested that "all the waterfowl be moved to the canal, the pond drained and concreted over to provide much needed parking". Sounds reasonable.
But it’s the way she speaks, too. She doesn’t half rrrrrrrrrrrroll her Rrrrrrrrrs: “Oh Brrrrrrrrrrrendah, hellooooo!” But it’s not a pure “r” either, it’s said as if she closes the back of her tongue against the back of her mouth as she says it; sort of a bit throaty, but not phlegmy – bizarre. And she pronounces “re” as “ray”, so when she’s referring to a person, you always think their first name is Ray.
Bonkers is an understatement. On first impressions, she acts as if somebody would act if they asked to act “overly eccentric, mad, over medicated and slightly scary with it”.
However, she is extremely intelligent, with a keen interest in history, literature and art. I am interested in none of these things. She returned from yet another holiday today (she doesn't half travel a lot) and another colleague landed me in it by telling her that I'd just returned from Rome. She made a bee-line for my office and II was given the third degree about the art periods on display in St Peter's and the Vatican Museum, this after telling her that I haven't got a clue about art, history or architecture.
Me: "Errm, up to and just after Raphael, I guess. Is that renaissance?"
Carmelita: "Would that be early or late renaissance, because I can't stand late renaissance."
Me: "Eerrrrm, early? And there's some Greek stuff that the Romans pilfered too."
Carmelita: "Aaaahhhhhhhh!!! Gooooood!!! And what about the architecture, because I LOATHE (or was it love?) Baroque."
Me: "I've no idea, there were lots of domes and statues, it was very big and very grand. I think you should go and make your own mind up."
Fuck's sake, who the fuck hasn't seen what St Peter's Basilica looks like? Surely she'd bloody know. She was glued to PJP2's demise in the spring, she MUST have seen what St Peter's looks like.
I'm never going to go anywhere ever again for fear of her finding out about it and subjecting me to another Witchfinder General inquisition. Some people are just too clever and too interested in stuff.
Lumpy tits
Here's a question for you: if you had a 2cm benign breast lump, would you have it removed or would you keep it and make a feature of it by dressing it up with raffia.
Went to see Mr Surgeon man today and he said that there's no problem with leaving it or with taking it out and that it's entirely up to me. I'm tempted to leave it, but there's a danger of - should the moment arise - somebody freaking out if things were getting a bit thingy. Not that anybody ever gets a bit thingy with me, but I wouldn't want the moment of the century ruining by somebody chucking a mental when things were just hotting up.
Despite the biopsy coming back as benign, the surgeon said that they only sampled from a small area of the lump so they can't say about the rest of it. That had me brimming with confidence, but you can't expect too much from the NHS.
I don't mind either way, so I'm willing to be swayed by the reasoning, concerns and wishes of others.
I have four months to decide.
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