The final countdown

Exciting times lie ahead for me.  The house purchase will complete this Friday and I can look forward to being in phenomenal amounts of debt for 25 years, rather than just moderate amounts of debt for the rest of my life.  But you have to see the positive side of things - it's a long term investment that will keep me in incontinence pads and Bepanthen in my old age.  And the mortgage will cost a less than the rent.

And, what you can do when a place is your own is DECORATE.  I could've decorated this place as a tenant, but why waste money on Farrow and Ball for future tenants who would probably only appreciate huge floral patterns... in black?  The spectrum of colour options is limited to "neutral" and, as far as I'm concerned, nobody ever went on the rampage after painting their home natural hessian. 

Actually, some of these look a wee bit pink for my liking, but my niece will love them.  She cried her eyes out when I told her she could help paint the house, but that we weren't having pink.

There's a word for that - spoilt.

Anyway (:@), I'm looking forward to all sorts of fabulous trips out to stores where I want to kill people - Ikea being the main one.  That awful procession, following arrows, being run into by people displaying no control over their prams (or children).  And there are always so many Scousers.

Wherever you go, there are Scousers; be it Manchester City Centre or the Trafford Centre, concerts at the MEN Arena, theme parks, Ikea in Warrington, Ikea in Ashton.  And yet they all profess to love Liverpool so much... why the fuck don't they stay there then?

But yes, the house is a kind of blank canvass of beige, which is great, but making it a home will require some thought, design sense and money; none of which I have.  I guess we're lucky in that my landlord is happy to come and do bits of joinery for us at cost price... but now I kick myself for not getting him to do it for free while I was a tenant.

Ali wants an airing cupboard and I've told her - you don't need an airing cupboard when you've got Jesus, but she's having none of it.

Rocky wants carpet instead of laminate flooring.

I'm just happy to have a home that will be a foundation for many happy years of mutual debt for me and my other half.


Exploding sinuses
I woke up to throbbing swollen glands in my neck and pain in my face, ear and teeth. Sinus infections are hideous, but they're also rather fabulous in what they can offer once your immune system has done its thing: that wonderful gloopy, bloody snot that can only be expelled by what feels like blowing out from the behind your eyeballs.

My last great sinus infection resulted in probably the best snot clearance I've ever had.  I actually think it was an undiagnosed siamese twin - it was about an inch and half in length, with its own blood supply, nervous system and pulse.  I disposed of it carefully, but it escaped and became leader of the Labour party.  Apparently it outshone all the other candidates, especially in the eyes of the unions who recognised its ability to empathise with public sector employees and generally get up everyone's noses.