"Show me!"
How much does Mick Hucknall look like the result of a terrible genetic experiment that has inserted some of Mickey Rooney's DNA into the embryo of a pig, super-aged the progeny (in conjunction with hourly ego massage) then stuffed it with botox.
Every morning this week, Radio 2 have been playing a trailer for a Simply Red concert that they're broadcasting on Sunday. So each morning, I've heard the voice of a supposedly sexy woman sighing "I really love you", followed by Mick Hucknall's "Show me!" from the start of Something got me started. Imagine having the Rooneypig trying to seduce you. Martine McCutcheon did and she threw up in his dreadlocks.
Why do they do it?
I bought a sandwich for my lunch today. I had to go for turkey and bacon club; all the others either had onion on them, or they had halal meat on them, which really fucking pisses me off. Anyway, I opened my turkey and bacon club, prized out one of the sandwiches and it pulled a chunk of soggy bread from the other half:
You see, they can't help but put bloody tomatoes on sandwiches...
Look at how much they use too:
The golden rule about tomatoes, lettuce or cucumber on a sandwich is, unless it's to be eaten within half an hour, DON'T FUCKING DO IT! Especially if you then go on to cram it into a plastic sandwich container so the sogginess seeps into the bread and it all squashes together, it taints the flavour of everything and makes it all hideous. And that's even before all the bloody mayonnaise and butter they spread on there by the tub full.
On the halal subject, I really object to the assumption that non-muslims are OK eating it; I don't really like the idea of normal butchery, but I really object to halal and kosher butchery, it's very cruel. I also object to religious superstition being imposed on what I eat (not mentioning the hot cross buns that I bought this evening), and I'd rather it wasn't.
So, Lyle and Shaw sandwich makers, your sarnies are not that bad, but please, please, please: quit it with the hocus pocus halal meat, soggy salad veg, margarine and mayonnaise!
My fingernails are too long. Bloody things.
11 comments:
That pic of Mick Hucknall.
Just look at it.
Then cast your eyes slightly to the right - you know, to that wee thumbnail pic of yourself (under the 'About' text).
Is it some kind of subtle spot the difference competition?
Could you be related?
Are you really Mick Hucknall in disguise?
*stunned I never spotted the resemblance before now*
I look nothing like him, you shit.
Crikey, the ultimate ginger twat and soggy tomatoes in one post.
Surely it must be possible to genetically engineer the non sog tomato. Come to think of it, Hucknall could do with some genetic engineering. He might begin to resemble a human being.
I used to love Simply Red in the 80s & 90s. Are they still around, then?
Prepackaged sandwiches are usually disgusting. I've only had good ones from Starbucks.
Nah, Peevish, the bestest onees are from Pret-a-Manger.
Too fucking expensive though.
Lately, I've found myself avoiding the sarnies and opting for M&S Sushi.
Pret sandwiches really are the best, I agree. They're made in store and they only stay on the shelves for about thirty minutes until they're removed if not sold.
I regularly have Tesco sushi for lunch - excellent alternative to mayo-laden sloppy sandwiches.
I could eat sushi until it comes out of my ears.
And I've got to have the one with ginger.
Fucking deelish.
And, for once, healthy. Unlike most of the other healthy stuff that usually tastes of nothingness.
Yes, those little packets of ginger! It goes so well with wasabe. I love sushi. You can get massive trays of the stuff from Costco for a tenner. I think I could eat it till I was sick with wasabe coming up through my nose... and THAT would hurt like a total bastard, but it still wouldn't put me off.
I keep trying to get Tazzy to try Sushi, but he continues to refuse.
He doesn't know what he's missing.
A sushi night out is something I've thought about a few times, but the poor sod would waste away with hunger.
Any tips on how to convert him to the way of the sticky rice?
You could try a fun night in, making it yourselves? Just make him eat it for fuck's sake, he's a grown man!
The sandwich post had me cracking up...must admit its a pet hate of mine...ahhh I'm having school lunch flash backs.. I found the stuff on the meat interesting..we don't have those practices in Oz
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