But how do I make it WORK???

I'm fed up buying stuff that doesn't work. Thanks very much Tesco for selling the following pile of shite items:

• Texet cross cut shredder
• Crappy battery powered water pistol

Bollocks, the pair of them.

The cross cut shredder is great so long as you use for no more than 30 seconds in any one time, giving it half an hour's rest before even thinking of attempting to shred another single piece of paper.

We've had two of these now. Both rubbish.

The water pistol was bought to train Rocky to walk on his lead properly. The original super power soaker merely dribbled, so I took it apart, tried to fix it, and then it leaked. That ended up in the bin.

We bought another this evening, it didn't work at all, not even a dribble of water.

Fucking rubbish.

Don't Tesco check these things before they sell them? What do they pay their buyers to do? Pick things that they know that are rubbish that people will buy, but won't bother to return?

I don't know, I really don't.


Adios, Fucktards!
One thing I've kept quiet about since moving here to Bellend Towers has been our neighbours. Not the fellers next door, not the family next door but one, but the scratbag tenants in the flat around the back.

Day one - Awww how lovely! The day we moved in, I saw "Sam", the female, leaving the flat with a very cute puppy. Strange... I'd seen the advert for the lease and it said no smokers, no DSS, no pets. Hrrrm.

Day three - What the fuck? Got home from work and found one of their visitors had parked in my parking space in front of my garage. Cocks. I blocked them in. They wouldn't do that again, but it didn't stop their visitors parking in the residents only parking area or in other residents' parking spaces. Grassed them in to Carol, the marketing woman, who informed us that Simon, their landlord, lives just round the corner "I'll tell him!" I happened to mention the dog too, and the cig butts all over the parking spaces that they dropped from their window "I saw the advert for the lease and they're not supposed to have a dog or smoke."

Week one - Eezer Good. It was obvious in our first week of being here that the young occupants of the flat were dealing drugs. And endless stream of vehicles would come each evening, visit the flat clutching bundles of cash, leave no more than a couple of minutes later stuffing things in their pockets.

Trump mentioned it to our neighbours, who may well have told the coppers. Whether this resulted in anything or not, I don't know, but the activities stopped after a couple of weeks when they must've cottoned on that they were very conspciuous now that other residents had moved in.

Week three - "Gizmooooooo!". Did I mention that their puppy is a St Bernard? In a small flat? Gizmo was left to roam the parking lot and crap all over the place, including on our parking space. Gizmo was left out at all times of day and night and frequently our sleep would be disturbed in the early hours by Sam shouting him, "Gizmooooooooooo!". Fucking cunt.

Week four - The sound of music. Not only was our sleep disturbed by "Gizmooooooo!". Sam and Jason (for that is his name) had a delightful habit of playing their music ever so loudly at all times of day, but especially in the early hours.

Week four and half - A knock on the door. One evening I saw their landlord trying to get them to answer the door. They had a habit of not bothering to answer it and he ended up having a conversation from the doorway up through the open lounge window. He'd return the next day. He did.

Week five - Thank you for the music. Gizmo was getting bigger, his poos bigger, the music was getting louder. I was on the verge of putting a note through the landlord's door, telling him to get rid of his scumbag tenants, but I held off. The blokes from next door joined us for an evening of merriment and we found the experience therapeutic, airing our displeasures and plotting ways of getting rid of them.

Week six - Gone. They've gone. They moved out last night.

Can't wait to see what we get next.

Fucking buy to let bastards, allowing any fucking scumbag into a place without worrying about their neighbours. I suppose we're lucky in that we know who the landlord is and where he lives, but bugger me, you shouldn't have to be plotting to burn somebody's house down within days of moving into a place!

Isn't the weather shit?