INTERVIEW!

I had to interview some candidates for a job in our department yesterday.

Could you imagine being interviewed by me? Those poor, poor people. Most of them were really nice, one was a bit odd, one we just didn't like, and one, I really threw with a stupid jokey question:

"I'll run through the job, then ask you a couple of questions before my colleagues ask theirs and then I'll finish off by going through your criminal record", meaning, we'll go through the mandatory questions, one of which asks about convictions, cautions, etc. Having never been to an interview before, she didn't know about "mandatory questions" and was completely thrown by it.

I'm such a twat. Luckily, she recovered really well and gave a very good account of herself.

The problem with interviews is, there's no real point to them. You're not allowed to ask the questions you really want to ask, and you're certainly not allowed to document the real decision process for picking your preferred candidate for the benefit of the Human Resources department.

We have to tell them our selection criteria and score each candidate against each one. Having the highest score doesn't get you the job, but it helps. Getting the highest score against the official selection criteria doesn't automatically get you the job because there are unwritten selection criteria such as:

1. Did we like them?
2. Are they normal, or a bit weird?
3. Do they have good social skills, or do they avoid eye contact and twitch alot?
   
4. Are their kids likely to keep them at home at short notice?
5. Would they be a pain in the arse?
   
6. Are they likely to fuck off and do something a lot more challenging?
7. Do they come from Stornoway?
   

Bloody employment law!

Anyway, Sniffy had to phone the unsuccessful candidates and give them the bad news... and feedback. Not a nice job, but it's better than letting people hang on and not telling them at all.


In the night garden
Who'd have thought that this would work as an instant anxiolytic for baby throwing a tantrum?

Amazing.

How does it work? Is there a formula for tapping into a toddler's mind other than a cattleprod to the head?

I think the formula must include things like a brightly coloured asexual "thing" - Iggle Piggle - that dances and sings, but not in any discernible language. Add some other companions that are also brightly coloured, but slightly different in shape; again without a defined sex, but clearly a different sex than the main character - Upsy Daisy. And they jump around, dance, play hide and seek, then sleep in a boat.

Hey presto! All the children calm down. Unless its something to do with all newborns being chipped at birth with a device that can be activated by a specific signal from CBeebies.

CBeebies is a government tool for controlling the minds our children, thus eventually giving the country a generation of numbed zombies who they can control at the push of a button!

I suppose they said the same thing when they introduced the National Lottery.