Yes, that's it, the green arrow stuck in the Outer Hebrides, some islands off Scotland that are drifting into the North Atlantic somewhere.
I'd normally have no beef with Stornoway, or its 5,600 inhabitants. They're probably very nice people. But the BBC are as obsessed with Stornoway as they are with Islam, global warming and recycling.
Every day you get the weather report. There are apocalyptic floods in major population centres in England; people are dying there, there's no food, no power, but the weather reporter tells us "It may be raining like shit on the rest of us, but Stornoway's 5,600 people are enjoying sunshine today".
Stornoway.
Front page news on the BBC's website today was an invasion of Stornoway town centre by some sheep that had escaped from somewhere. Here they are, escaping:
Of course, what you can't see in the picture are the marauding hoards of kebab shop owners, trying to capture the sheep to make a mega doner that will last the town's population for about 500 years.
Does Stornoway have a kebab shop? I think so. Check out this place:
New Island Star Carry Out Restaurant
28, South Beach,
Stornoway,
Isle of Lewis HS1 2BN
Tel: 01851 705256
Give them a bell to see if they do doner kebabs, I dare you! And don't forget to ask them if they watch the weather report on the BBC news. I'm sure the BBC would like to be assured that the licence payers' money is well spent on the grateful population getting a special mention every day.
RIP, Mr Manchester
You know Joy Division, New Order, Happy Mondays? The man behind them, Mr Manchester himself, Tony Wilson, died this evening. He was a bit pretentious, but he cared about putting Manchester on the map and he did just that. I'm not sure who Mr Stornoway is, but he's doing a fucking good job!
I don't think there are any Mancunians of any note left in the city these days. I can't imagine anybody else having the influence, drive and passion that he did.
Hey ho.
Hot wheelie Trumpster
She came home in a car today. A sixteen year old Peugeot 205; like I learned to drive in years ago. Her OWN car. How cool is that? She let me drive round in it earlier, it was fucking ace.
Guitar Sniff
I picked up my old guitar last night. Didn't have a clue what to do with it. I started learning classical guitar when I was about 8, I did exams and everything, then stopped playing when I was about 16. And when I picked it up again, I couldn't remember a thing. But I tried and it made some noises that seemed like they should come out of a guitar.
Today, the wrist on my left hand is totally fucked.
Hungry
I'm peckish. We haven't been shopping and there are no snack things in the house. No bread or anything. I might have to try dog biscuits.
I'd just have to be careful that eating them won't give me the sudden urge to have a wee on the toilet then run downstairs and have a poo on the living room carpet.
Talking of Rocky, he's just done his first wee by cocking his leg. He's so grown up!
Does Stornoway have a kebab shop? I think so. Check out this place:
New Island Star Carry Out Restaurant
28, South Beach,
Stornoway,
Isle of Lewis HS1 2BN
Tel: 01851 705256
Give them a bell to see if they do doner kebabs, I dare you! And don't forget to ask them if they watch the weather report on the BBC news. I'm sure the BBC would like to be assured that the licence payers' money is well spent on the grateful population getting a special mention every day.
RIP, Mr Manchester
You know Joy Division, New Order, Happy Mondays? The man behind them, Mr Manchester himself, Tony Wilson, died this evening. He was a bit pretentious, but he cared about putting Manchester on the map and he did just that. I'm not sure who Mr Stornoway is, but he's doing a fucking good job!
I don't think there are any Mancunians of any note left in the city these days. I can't imagine anybody else having the influence, drive and passion that he did.
Hey ho.
Hot wheelie Trumpster
She came home in a car today. A sixteen year old Peugeot 205; like I learned to drive in years ago. Her OWN car. How cool is that? She let me drive round in it earlier, it was fucking ace.
Guitar Sniff
I picked up my old guitar last night. Didn't have a clue what to do with it. I started learning classical guitar when I was about 8, I did exams and everything, then stopped playing when I was about 16. And when I picked it up again, I couldn't remember a thing. But I tried and it made some noises that seemed like they should come out of a guitar.
Today, the wrist on my left hand is totally fucked.
Hungry
I'm peckish. We haven't been shopping and there are no snack things in the house. No bread or anything. I might have to try dog biscuits.
I'd just have to be careful that eating them won't give me the sudden urge to have a wee on the toilet then run downstairs and have a poo on the living room carpet.
Talking of Rocky, he's just done his first wee by cocking his leg. He's so grown up!
15 comments:
Salford is in the news quite a bit too isn't it?
The BBC in their infinite wisdom have decided to have Radio Scotland presenters anounce the weather reports for Radio Ulster, much to the annoyance of radio listeners in Norn Iron.
Can't understand them at all.
Bloody Stornawayians.
*prays for rain*
There is a nice sandwich bar in Stornoway, and several nyphomaniacs.
You can't get a drink on a Sunday because the god botherers won't let you.
I rang them. They don't do doner kebabs. It was good to listen to the lilting sing songy accent though.
Garfer- One must never underestimate the lure of fresh DNA.
Excellent! Did you ask if you could get a doner anywhere in Stornoway?
Sadly, no.
Instead of fucking around and calling Stornaway, you lot could be over here packing up my house. Now, get off your lazy asses, get on a plane and help me pack. I need help. Please.
listen u sad fuck i live in stornoway and i had the misfortune to cum across your stupid pointless website and i wish i had not. y would u tell people to fone this number and ask for a kebeb when its a bloody chinese u dope! get ur facts rite in future and the pubs are open on a sunday all of them and i pay my tv license so i am entitled to see the weather where i live. and unlike english people we all dont eat fat foods ie kebebs all the time!
listen u sad fuck i live in stornoway and i had the misfortune to cum across your stupid pointless website and i wish i had not. y would u tell people to fone this number and ask for a kebeb when its a bloody chinese u dope! get ur facts rite in future and the pubs are open on a sunday all of them and i pay my tv license so i am entitled to see the weather where i live. and unlike english people we all dont eat fat foods ie kebebs all the time!
And here's a translation for those who can be bothered to learn to read and write in English:
"Listen, you sad fuck. I live in Stornoway and I had the misfortune to come across your stupid, pointless website and I wish I had not. Why would you tell people to phone this number and ask for a kebab when it's a bloody Chinese, you dope! Get your facts right in future, and the pubs are open on Sunday, all of them and I pay my TV licence, so I'm entitled to see the weather where I live. And unlike English people, we don't eat fatty foods, i.e. kebabs all the time!"
And what a great education system you have up there, eh? Learn to write in English, you twat.
The thing is, people leave anonymous comments to tell me how nasty I am and how they're so offended by my blog, but they generally come back to see if I've responded to their vitriolic, yet incoherent attacks.
You have, haven't you? Saddo.
You are fucking shithead, there isnt anything wrong with Stornoway ACTUALLY! and to thikersoid, the "sing songy" accent you maybe heard when you phoned up the chinese takeaway was a chinese accent, you fucking retard. AND whats wrong with all the good weather we get? I dont get how some people are so retarded. And sniffy, fuck off will you! You are the sad one for writing blogs about things like this when really you could get up off your arse and do something productive and worthwhile. GRRRR im annoyed at you and your stupid opinions, keep them to yourself if its gonna be shite that comes out.
Har har har. Fucko.
Just fuck off you fucking dumb fuck.
Read the post you fucking spaz, there was nothing derogatory in it. Now get back to your sad Bebo life with your txt speak spaz mates who can't string a full sentence together.
Arsehole.
Woopsy, did i upset you? Im awfully sorry. Actually, Ive got a masters degree in English.
One word for you...LOSER
Im Laughing my arse off at you right now!
Wow, that's really impressive! I've got a PhD! Shall we compare O Levels?
If you're so good at English, how come you have such appalling grammar? Or are you one of those spastics that types by blowing into a straw?
Thick cunt.
Fuck off.
Sniffy you smelly cunt, what a stupid name you have! Just cause your run down shit hole of manchester aint making the weather you need to get laid into somewhere else. You're quite an ugly girl so that kinda explains your bizarre comments. Pubs in stornoway are open on sundays and expecting to get doner kebabs from a chinese just says my god you're fucking thick as pig shit! I aint from stornoway but i've been there and love surfing up there, maybe you should go visit the place instead of slagging it off!
I don't think you've given Stornoway a real chance and your blog shows just how little you know of it.
I'm not about to get into an all out war with you over what's been said but I do think your opinion is worryingly ignorant.
The people that live here are happy and lucky to live in such a safe, laid back community and moaning about the fact that our weather is good sometimes is silly.
I didn't write anything disparaging about Stornoway or its inhabitants until they themselves started demonstrating their own levels of illiteracy and lack of basic comprehension skills by commenting on this post, clearly without reading it properly.
I don't care what people from Stornoway or anywhere else thinks about this blog. It's a fucking blog that's read by about fifty people a day, for goodness sake, not a Government White Paper promoting the Outer Hebrides as a potential nuclear testing site.
You should see what I write about my own home town.
Post a Comment