Should you have to take annual leave for a day or two off if things are so quiet at work? I suppose it's better than being laid off or being forced to work reduced hours, as so many people are at the moment. I'd normally have a "working from home" day, but I don't think I'd get away with it somehow.
So what am I doing instead? Well, I have my iPod with me and unrestricted internet access. The only things missing are Frasier or MTV Dance, an endless supply of coffee, a comfy sofa and a bouncy little dog and I could be at home.
It's very cold here too and I'm about to call on the services of the cardie of mirth.
Today's Daily Mash brings us some useful Government advice from the Department of Stating the Blindingly Obvious and Nannying:
"BRITAIN GETS THE STUPID CHRISTMAS ADVICE IT DESERVES"
GOVERNMENT guidelines on how to avoid accidents at Christmas are every bit as obvious as they need to be, it was confirmed last night.
As the emergency services braced themselves for three days of utter chaos, experts said the government had done everything it possibly could short of strapping everyone to a chair and feeding them pulped turkey through a tube.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "You will notice page five of the Daily Mail carries an angry story about 'why oh why does the government have to treat us like Christmas morons?'.
"But if you then turn over to page six you will see a story about a man from Dorset who called the fire brigade after shoving at least 18 inches of Norwegian Spruce firmly up his back passage.
"Page seven is devoted to the Yorkshire family who celebrate Boxing Day by piling all the empty boxes in the middle of the living room before setting fire to them.
"And we then turn over to a double-page spread featuring a heart-breaking interview with the sole survivor of the Great Hemel Hempstead Turkey Disaster of 1983."
A department of health spokesman said: "Instead of a real Christmas tree this year why not go for a small, laminated photograph of a Christmas tree? Leave it floating in a bucket of water in case you're tempted to set fire to it.
"And if you're worried about food poisoning from an undercooked turkey, just eat a load of crisps instead. But not the sharp ones. Go for a soft, round crisp like a Wotsit or a Quaver. And don't forget to keep a bucket water nearby in case you're tempted to set fire to them."
This article is actually closer to the truth than seems imaginable as the Department of Health in England has produced an Advent Calendar-style leaflet that warns of perils associated with the festive season. I don't know how we'd get out of bed without causing ourselves life-threatening injury without our wonderful government telling us what to do.
Papa-Ratzi's Christmas good will to all men (so long as they're not gay, lesbian or transgender)
[caption id="attachment_1796" align="aligncenter" width="460" caption="Kiss the ring, muthafucka"]
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Thank goodness for Pope Benedict! He's going to help re-train all us queers so that humanity will survive, or rather, heterosexuality will survive. Apparently, saving the world from sexual deviants is as important as saving the rain forests. Fucking Nazi.
How about saving the world from religious nutcases? Why do they feel the need to be so hateful?
I suppose that's what you get when you appoint somebody who was in the Hitler Youth as the top bloke and voice on earth for the invisible bearded man in the sky. The pope condemns gender bending. This is a man who wears lovely white frocks, accessorised with a red stole & matching ruby slippers.
Cunt.
18 comments:
Oh, you mop-haired cunt! I was just about ready to blog the very SAME things - now I'll have to think of something else!
I'll just say though, that the Pope thing really got on my fucking nerves when I read it on the Beeb. Just who the fuck do these religious cunts think they are? I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that the Pope is one of those closet types that's in denial.
Anyway...
I'm off to think of something else to blog about.
And to pick up Tazzy's special present.
Just blog about it anyway. The more people express their astonishment that religious doctrine has such a negative and dangerous influence over the lives of its followers, the better.
Religion is a cancer and is a far greater threat to humanity than any other single entity.
I bet that at least a quarter of priests are woofters, which means that there must have been at least a couple of woofter Cardinals in his audience.
I think you should found your own religion, with Rocky as the incarnation of the deity thingumabobby. You'd be quids in.
Let us worship your mad hair oh Liverpool FC supporting holy one.
Yeessssssss, I'm liking this idea, very much. Rocky isn't very godlike though, he's very bouncy. I'd have to be very clever in working his odd personality traits to make it seem that they're in keeping with those of a deity. Then again, thinking about the personality traits of the traditional gods, Rocky is much less flawed than the lot of them put together.
I've become a pastafarian - what with my love of linguine and the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, it was a natural fit, religion-wise.
Retrain gays & lesbians? The man's mental. You can't retrain biology. And if he finds a way to control biology, he can retrain my tits to their original perkiness. Asshole. :evil:
Hello Lisa ;)
Hello
About a billion Catholics worldwide unfortunately.
When do you finish for Christmas?
BTW, who listens to the Pope anymore?
Ah, that must be the billion that live in developing nations and the older europeans. Reports have it that attendance at Mass has been declining for years in the U.S. I think it has to do with the Pope's stance on Birth control and cohabitation.
I just got here. My son is already on his Winter Holiday from school so it took us much longer than expected to get out the door.
Oh what a lovely prospect, and I know it sounds awful, but the last thing the developing world needs is bigotry added to their superstition and ignorance on top of access to technology and global mobility. Medieval ideologies do not mix well with Western ones.
Yeah, as it turns out, Americans really don't like being told what to do, especially by some guy that they've never met (think Revolutionary War ;) ) and even more so when it runs counter to what they want to do.
I disagree with your opinion that religion is like a cancer. While I think it is very wrong (and very un-christian) to use religion to hurt other people, religion itself, and the belief in somthing bigger than ourselves is a beautiful thing. Personally, it has been my love and faith in the Lord that keeps me going when I'd rather not. For example, I am about to lose my job, and have less than $2000 in savings, $1200 of which is supposed to be spent on my car, but I'm not scared. I firmly belive that the Lord will provide. Maybe there won't be bundles of money on my doorstep when I return home today, but I know that we're going to be alright.
So there it is... I like U2 and Madonna and I love the Lord. Did I just lose my rights of access to sniffyville? :D
People get mixed up between religion and faith. Faith gives people strengths, provides comfort, and that. Religion the world over has been devised by men to control people through fear, and to set people against each other, and to preach bigotry and to deny people the power to live their lives and to deprive people of freedom. Religion is used to produce and interpret works of fiction to suit the controlling ambitions of the religious leaders. The Christians need to stick to the one message - God is love (apparently) - and the rest that they spout is just nastiness and hatred, choosing to pick on people who cause no harm whatsoever, just because they can't control the scientists anymore.
Man melting snow with blowtorch ignites home
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28366005/?GT1=43001
You need your government to produce some hand health and safety guides. We're so very lucky here in the UK, having a government that wants to help us in every single aspect of our lives.
Those who need warning labels the most are usually the very same people that don't have the ability to read the warnings (children, the illiterate, etc.)
Merry Christmas, MopHead!
Hope it's a great day
xxx
Merry Christmas to you too. Fucking poofs! Xxxx
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