Daily Mash

I've discovered my new favourite website in the whole world.

The Daily Mash provides a slightly off the wall analysis of current affairs, along with much humour.  Rather than describe it, I think it's best to give you a taste.  Here's the Mash's take on the Gordon Brown/Alistair Darling recovery plan for the UK's doomed economy.


DARLING HAS SECRET PLAN TO KEEP BUGGERING ABOUT

CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.

The proposed logo for British Unicorns Ltd

A confidential Treasury memo, published on a government website, proposes a series of tax rises and tax cuts introduced for two weeks at a time over the next five years.

The memo suggests a 75% 'supertax' for pantomime stars between December 5th and January 31st, suspending VAT on forks, cutting corporation tax for companies run by men named Ian and increasing child benefit for families who roam the land singing songs and performing magic tricks.

It adds: "Failing that we can just whack up VAT, murder the aristocracy and steal their houses."

The memo also reveals Mr Darling's secret plan to breed unicorns and sell them to Chinese millionaires.

The chancellor would invest public money in up to a dozen unicorn farms across the country churning out thousands of magical horses which would then be vacuum packed and shipped to the Far East.

Mr Darling believes that at £250,000 a unicorn the government could have paid back its £120bn of borrowing by the time Star Trek becomes reality.

The Conservatives last night dismissed the plan as the latest 'government con', insisting there was probably no such thing as unicorns and that it would simply be a load of donkeys with a bread stick glued to their foreheads.

I particularly like the Mash's analysis of the news that the police are to be given 10,000 more tasers too:



POLICE CANNOT WAIT TO GET TASERS

POLICEMEN across England and Wales could not sleep last night after being told they were going to get electric stun guns.
The Home Office said 10,000 tasers would be issued to forces across the country, causing the Police Federation to jump up and down while holding its privates to stop it from urinating.

Tom Logan, a constable from Norwich, said: "I'll be like 'freeze scumbag!' and then he'll be like 'no way, copper' and I'll be like 'zzzzap!'.

"And then he'll be on the ground all jiggling and stuff and the electricity will be all over his body and it'll be all blue and sparky and then his eyes will just, like, pop out of his head and explode!"

According to the Home Office tasers can be used in almost any situation, apart from disabling Brazilian electricians who have 'built up an immunity'.

A Home Office spokesman said: "It will allow frontline officers to confront potentially dangerous suspects with increased confidence and be totally amazing."

He added: "Tasers are better than ordinary guns because they're electric. They're actually a bit like lasers. And who in their right mind is going to want want a gun when they could have a laser?

"Imagine, right, if you had a gun and I had a laser, you could shoot at me and I could, like, use my laser to deflect the bullet and then shoot you. Guns... fuck off."

In a separate announcement the Department of Health has predicted a 100,000% increase in members of the public electrocuted for being cheeky.

So why are you all still reading this shite?  Get over to the Daily Mash and have a laugh!