Light the corners of my mind...
Only they don't. I'm becoming increasingly furious with my inability to remember things. My short term memory is reliant on notes and electronic gadgets. Remember... Sammy Jenkiss was it? You know, that film about that bloke who had no short term memory so he had to take polaroid photos of things and people so he knew he'd seen or met them. Memorabilia... (good tunah) or something.
Anyway, as I sat watching reruns of Frasier earlier, something came to mind that I was going to have a look for on the internet. Was is something to buy, some information I was looking for? I can't remember. I'd forgotten by the time I'd found a piece of paper to write it down on.
Am I going bonkers? Is it CJD, or is it laziness, as I don't need to use my brain that much anymore.
Or is it just that it wasn't important enough to remember?
Flatpack fiasco
Check out Trump's account of the huge flatpack set of tumbling dominoes that came from Habitat.
One lump or two?
I understand that eco warrior Sheryl Crowe has suggested that we should only be allowed to use one sheet of toilet paper to wipe up after a wee and maybe two after a poo.
Stupid cunt. She may not mind going about stinking of piss and poo because of her inadequately-wiped nether regions, but I'd rather stay as clean as possible between bum washes, thankyouverymuch.
So here's a question for you all, half of it probably won't apply to blokes:
How many sheets of toilet paper do you use to clean up after:
A) A wee, or
B) A poo, or
C) Both?
And do you fold or scrunch?
7 comments:
A. One wad
B. Several wads
C. Loop and twirl, rather like spaghetti.
Sheryl Crow can kiss my sparkling clean arse.
at least 12 squares. if it's a poo, it gets wrapped from my fingers all the way up to my elbow.
scrunched generally for a wee.
With your memory loss we will soon be finding your deposits in a habitat bedside table.
So no need for paper there then.
Toilet paper????
But you know that cardboardy roll thing in the middle??
fold!
three or four squares at a time.
and yes, the memory going as you get older is not a good thing.
Folding toilet paper is wrong. You need to scrunch in order to put as much distance as possible between fingers and starfish. I must use an average of nine sheets per wipe. They don't call me Tina Arolladay for nothing.
We both fold.
After inspection, of course.
I'd much prefer Tazzy to lick me clean, but the cunt's having none of it.
I'm sure the increased surface area offered by scrunched toilet paper leads to a more efficient wiping experience. I wouldn't be able to comment on the increased surface area of a tongue, and nor would I want to.
Dirty bastard.
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