Babies are crap at burping. I'd have thought that anything spawned of my bilious sister would have no trouble letting rip, but Little Con doesn't burp, so she gets trapped wind and then her tummy hurts.
Blah, blah, new parent diary shite.
But have you seen the crap that people peddle to new parents? You can buy DVDs showing you how to wind a baby. The demonstrations show people doing exactly what you do anyway, with a model child that is obviously sedated with strong opiates. It doesn't work with the Sniffy infant. Then again, her mother's milk might just well be very bitter and poisonous and she could well be better off being bottle fed.
It's weird though, how we are so eager to congratulate a belching or farting infant, yet this turns into admonishment as soon as the poor child learns a language and starts to develop manners. Well, this happens in some houses, but I still congratulate myself on every loud or noxious trump.
Ripper!
Excitement
Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of the day when I met my lovely, gorgeous, funny, kind, compassionate, clever, trumpy Trump. It's been a wonderful year and I am very lucky.
What should I do to mark the occasion? I have planned very very badly indeed. In fact, I haven't planned at all. I am hoping for some inspiration by the time we mark our official anniversary of when we started seeing each other... officially, i.e. when we became a couple after she split from her missus. This happens at the weekend. She was a quick worker.
10 comments:
Celebrate by stripping naked and covering yourself with postit notes, each one bearing the name of a celebriy you admire.
Don't ask me why.
there aren't enough pot its in Manchester to cover even my arse, let alone the rest of me.
Nor mine
Feed Gripe Water to the non flatulent one.
Perfect for a future blogger!
Well, if you can't altogether cover those parts generally found covered in polite company, then I think Tickersoid may well have hit upon an ideal anniversary activity!
If I might make so bold as to embellish the suggestion, the celebrity names thing could work thus:
Player one suggests a celebrity name which she has attached to herself with a slightly adhesive strip of paper.
Player two, in a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey stylee, must close eyes, and attempt to find said celeb name on player one, using only the sense of touch. This part of the round can last a maximum of two minutes. Remember, no peeking!
Player two makes the selection, removes the selected post it from player one, and reads out the name. If it is the one searched for, points are awarded! Points count toward something - you make it up. It could be housework. It could be something else. It could be Tesco clubcard points in a dystopic future but let's live in the now, for now.
If the wrong celeb post-it is selected, well, that's where the real fun begins.
Player two must do an impression of the celebrity written on the post-it.
Player one must guess who it is supposed to be. If correct, it's player one's turn to do the searching of player two's body for a celeb suggested by player two.
If, instead, the impersonation is not guessed correctly, player two can play again (do the searching) or nominate their own celeb for player one to seek.
Game continues until the weak adhesive wears off under the onslaught of time, or both players find something better with which to occupy themselves (shouldn't be difficult).
Twister? Pah! Weaksauce. This is the hard stuff, guys and gals, this is where it's at!
ALTERNATIVE SUGGESTION:
Go to a family pub and mock people. This is a game for as many players as you can find. Points are awarded in the form of alcohol, until everyone falls over. Anyway, everyone knows that the best nights out are the unplanned ones.
Happy anniversary!
Many happy returns, m'dear. Both of you. I remember quite fondly a certain e-mail wherein I was supposed to guess and I guessed right and GOSH how did I KNOW???? The glow on both your faces was enough to be seen the world over.
Knowing how much Trump loves the countryside, go camping.
Indoors.
Congrats on your aniversary ladies :-)
In typical lesbian style I suggest a trip to Ikea then back to bed for the entire weekend
Auntiehood seems to be suiting you. babies are boring until about four months of age
Is the Bomb watching her diet? There are lots of foods (sprouts, onions, cabbages, etc) that can cause gas in the nursling. If there's any history of lactose-intolerance in your family, then milk and cheeses can cause this kind of reaction, too. There are great drops here for gassy babies - a dropperful when the symptoms start, and you've got yourself a happy baby in about 5 minutes. I don't know if it stops the gas or gets the kid high. Who cares - the crying's stopped.
A year already? Fantastic! Congratulations to you both.
congratulations and many more happy times to you both
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