Just like post-Communist Russia

My hatred of Walmart-owned supermarket chain Asda is well-documented. When Asda superstores first appeared in the late 1970s, they were actually OK. I remember them having amazing variety at really reasonable prices, with a great deli counter and superb instore bakery. Well, my mum and her sister always said it was good value for money, I wouldn't know because I was only a nipper.

Asda never had a café back then so I still preferred Tesco (which also sold clothes), but in general it was OK. Even up to about twelve or thirteen years ago, I didn't mind shopping there.

But something went very wrong with Asda, they introduced "Rollback" and it's been downhill since. I've no idea why, but "Rollback" (a con to make people think that some of their prices are the same as they were about ten years ago) has attracted all sorts of ner do wells to Asda stores around the land. I liked their special offer on papardelle last night: £1 a packet or two packets for £5 - Bargain! Idiots.

And just look at the role models who they get to advertise for them: Sharon Osbourne; Wayne Rooney; Colleen McLoughlin. That's right, a reality TV millionaire producer with a brummie accent, a thug footballer with the face of a fuck knows what and his WAG Colleen who has achieved nothing more than meeting Wayne when he was 15 and deciding it was shrewd business sense to stay with him despite him being exposed for shagging grandmother prostitutes (oh and did I mention that despite him being as ugly as fuck, thick as pigshit and Scouse, he's also really rather rich... and so is Colleen now).

So, Asda clearly thinks its clientele look up to these sorts of people and accordingly shows the respect they think their customers deserve. They do this by making their stores simply unbearable to be in, while stocking them with mediocre produce. Well, not really stocking them, because if you go at the wrong time of day, there's no fresh stock left on the shelves. I wanted some fresh crusty bread to accompany the soup that I was having for tea last night. The shelves were almost cleared of instore-baked bread and the stuff that was there was soft. It looked crusty and fresh, but was soft. It's not just because I was there in the evening either, you can go to Asda bakery at any time of day or night and the bread crust is always soft.

Diz-fucking-gusting.

I hate that fucking shop. For all of you wondering, I'm referring to the one at Eastlands, Manchester (opposite Manchester City's stadium). This store is only surpassed in fucking horribleness by the Asda store at Hulme. What makes the experience even worse is the way that other shoppers insist on taking their entire families with them at all times of night. It can be gone 10.30 at night (and on a school night!) and there'll be loads of families with young kids screaming and running around under your feet. Why? Why are these monsters not locked up at this time? Shocked and very appalled.

Why do I go there? Well, I only go there with Trump and she's now so fed up of my moaning that she's finally agreed to let me go to Tesco next time we have to go to the supermarket. Thank fuck for that!

Notice how I mentioned that Asda was owned by Walmart? Well, I went to a Walmart when I was in America and, despite feeling sick at seeing the selection of "George" clothing, I was pleased to see that Walmart doesn't sell fresh produce. Well, nor does Asda I suppose, but I wish they wouldn't pretend that they did. Fuckers.


A petition
I've been handed a request to ask people to sign a petition to prevent the government from introducing black boxes in cars and on motorbikes to limit speed by reducing the throttle or applying the brakes. That sounds safe. Have those wankers in the government never seen Christine?

Check it out

I wonder who they expect to bear the cost of this innovation...


Black pepper
I had a bit of black pepper stuck in between my teeth all afternoon and nobody told me. You don't get that with white pepper. Then again, you probably don't get that if your teeth aren't crooked.