I'm sure I'm not alone in my obsessive requirement for all garments to hang facing the same direction. In fact, I find it hard to believe that there's any other way to hang clothes. Could you imagine? Doesn't bear thinking about.
Car trouble
I'm crap at driving. I have no idea where the kerb is in relation to the nearside of my car. It's surprising that I've never twatted the wing mirror of a parked car while driving passed. I guess it's just trying to figure out where the wheels are in relation to the rest of the world that causes me a problem. I'm generally better at going backwards than forwards. It's no surprise then that something like this:
Would result in this:
and this:
Idiot.
It didn't half make an impressive noise when I hit it. BANG! Hisssssss..... Even more impressive was the fact that I did this while parking alongside the kerb outside' my girlfriend's parents' house and EVEN BETTER was the beligerent V-sign that I directed towards some abusive youths while said GF's dad was being really kind and changing my spare wheel. She saw me do it and scowled at me too.
It's a bit weird, having to behave yourself.
Why don't more junctions have filters for turning right? It'd save people racing through on red.
Soya
Why is there an anti-lactose movement that seems to be gathering pace at the moment? What is it with all these soya milk products all of a sudden?
This stuff claims to be a "dairy-free alternative to milk". Well so what? So is Pepsi and beer, for fuck's sake. It tastes like shite and leaves a residue on your teeth that makes them feel kind of itchy.
My sister claims that you "shouldn't take in too much lactose". I've no idea where she gets this from. It's probaby something that's being sent down from the Mysterious They, along with the idea that taking in extra gut bacteria from "live" yoghurt is an essential fro surviving the modern world.
"I'm lactose intolerant" is the cry from many a freak who champions this crap. Bollocks you are. You're just a fucking crank who's read something in some crackpot vegan magazine. They'll then go on to say they're cutting out carbs and other "yeastie" things because "Dr" Gillian McKeith says they're bad for you. Yeah, you're so concerned about your health, but you'll go out and get shitfaced 3 times a week, eat a load of processed crap and smoke 20 fags a day. It's that shit that's making you bloated, not milk you dickhead.
Swimming costumes
Whoever invented these things should be tried for crimes against humanity. I'm waitng for those Victorian-style ones that cover down to your elbows and knees to come back into fashion.
Do they have an active whaling programme in Canada?
23 comments:
ALL clothes must face the same direction.
I don't really know what would happen if one went the other way, but let's not talk about it any more or I'll get a rash.
No, let's not. It's far too distressing.
I'm now kicking myself for not buying a load of trouser hangers too.
Apparently people in the far east can't metabolise lactose after infancy.
Explains why Japs are all shortarses with bad eyesight.
They shouldn't have used the A bomb on Nagasaki. Bombarding them with Edam would have done the same job.
They've outlawed whaling in Canada! That's the only reason I can swim here.
you must be lefthanded.
Left handed? LEFT HANDED? How dare anybody accuse me of such a handicap!
Garfer, in a world where we're scared of opening our mouths, it's so good to know we can rely on you to blow political correctness out of the water. Thank you.
Did you not know that Charles and Camilla bathe and piss in that stuff before its packaged??
Alpro Soya = Royal Soap
Garfer - they'd have needed more than a couple of bombers if they were planning on using Edam to halt the Japanese's war effort.
It'd taken atleast half a dozen with the cheese packed very tightly indeed.
Yes, the clothes MUST go in the same direction. It's not being ANAL RETENTIVE, it's doing it correctly!!
Milk, milk, milk, give me all the milk they aren't drinking. losers. Don't they realise how sublime a nice cold glass of milk is? They are totally missing out!
Sniff... you're gonna hate my closet. I'll warn you now - It is going to really upset you.
I, too, bought a swimming costume the other day. I put it on and didn't realize people has saggy asses until I turned around and saw my own. It was extremely depressing.
Soy milk is crap. My mother drinks chocolate soy milk and once tried to foist the stuff onto Miss Peanut, who in no uncertain terms told her that she was "not going to drink that nasty stuff." My brother and I were raised on whole milk. I rarely drink it now - unless there are cookies or a PB&J involved - but I still love the stuff.
My clothes face the opposite direction to yours, but all in the same direction. You seem to have a lot of pink for a redhead. I thought y'all avoided pink as a rule.
That's a hell of a gash in your tire. Since I grew up in the city, I am now the queen of parallel parking. Bow to me.
It's more embarrassing than a parallel parking accident, it's an almighty, pulling up to the kerb FUCK UP! I used to be able to reverse parallel park between cars like a demon... years ago. I've not needed to do it for so long I've forgotten how to.
Can we bomb France with all that shite cheese they keep sending over here? Dirty bastards.
Soya milk - I have a story to tell about dairy products later....
April, you have a month to sort out your wardrobe - you know you can do it. Please, just for me? Swimming costumes are fucking evil. I'm getting some mens' trunks to wear over mine and even then I could easily be mistaken for something that should be harpooned. Soooooo depressed.
I may have a lot of pink for a red-head, but I also have a terrible dress sense and no idea for colour.
Clothes must face the same way. Even to the extent of changing the direction when Mrs C puts them in the wrong way. While she's not looking of course.
I think that you may find that drain to be illegal. Might be an idea to phone the owning Council and have a go at them. They won't pay for the damage caused bug it should make for another interesting post.
I think you'll find humans are the only animals that drink milk after infantsy. Cow's milk is partularly hard to digest for many people and is mucus forming (as is all dairy).
You can get a nice soya milk sweetened with apple juice from Asda if the ordinary soya milk is not to your taste.
I don't want any fucking soya milk, no matter what it's flavoured with! Humans are the only animals that do a lot of things after infancy, this does not make soya milk right, far from it.
I agree with Bronwen's direction of clothing.
I agree with your need to face them all the same direction.
However, you're facing them the WRONG direction.
Fortunately, you have the hanger hooks facing the correct direction (yes, I do know a numpty who does it all the opposite way, making it F'ING IMPOSSIBLE to take them off the bar easily).
Oh god, I see a checked shirt and a... a..... body warmer.... Oh god, I thought the lesbian clothes stopped at the Docs.....it's much worse than I thought.
What in the bloody name of hell is that thing, is that your average sewer grate in england? my goodness! ours are flat and stick on the ground...no pointy ends at all.
I do not drink, but I AM lactose intollerant, but I don't get bloating, I get horrible pains shortly after eating said dairy product and then will shit myself if I do not get to a toilet immediately!!!!
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