If water could be solidified at room temperature and solid water had the texture of airy bread with slimy stuff when eaten, then eating solid water would give you the exact same experience as I had lunchtime today. Being unable to avail myself of my usual minestrone cup-a-soup, I nipped to the shop where I spent a good while browsing the overpriced* lunch snacks that were on sale there. The choice was: Ginsters high fat, super-filled sandwich with bacon and mayonnaise; huge, overflavoured and expensive wrap; Weight Watchers varieties; chilled savoury pastry products.
I went for Weight Watchers prawn mayonnaise; I just fancied a prawn mayo sarny. It tasted of exactly nothing. I've never known anybody with the ability to remove every single molecule of flavour from anything, but Weight Watchers managed it with this particular sandwich.
Thank god for the high-salt, high-fat, extreeeeeemely high-flavour, bacon Frazzles that I'd bought to accompany it. Did you know that Frazzles have been on the market for 30 years now? No, neither did I.
Other corn-based crisp-type snacks that have been going for a while are good old Monster Munch. I love em, particularly the pickled onion variety. Love the snack, but the smell is pretty rank. Imagine my delight at being in two meetings in part of the hospital that smells exactly the same as pickled onion Monster Munch! DIZGUSSTING.
"TUUUUUNE....EHHR!"
My sister has a habit of ending every exclamation with "..EHR!". So we'll regularly hear protests of "NOOOOOEHR!" and even things like "Don't be so STEEEUUUUPID....EEEHHHR!". It's quite irritating. One of her worst crimes is crying out "TUUUUUUUUUUUUNE..EEHHHR!" whenever there's a song that she likes playing.
Jesus.
Pimp my nanny
Christ, whatever next?
14 comments:
You took your fucking time posting.
Yay! I'm first!
Everything from the weight watchers range tastes of cardboard (with the cardboard flavour removed). Fucking awful shite that it is. And overpriced too.
I hate most sarnie shops - they're always filled with crap that I would chuck in the bin if it was at home.
And why the fuck does a sarnie cost almost 3 quid? It's a couple of slices of cheap bread for christs sake, with hardly anything in it mostly.
I am fascinated by your sister. I feel she's some sort of art exhibition.
Yum...pickled onion Monster Munch. I usually have a multipack on the go.
I avoid anything with 'low fat' or 'light' on the label. Fat equals flavour.
So is the name change permanent, then? Pancakesniffer?
Weight Watchers food - all of it - is only for the texture. There's never any flavor. It's just to fool your body into thinking you've eaten something, when really you've merely ingested synthesized proteins. blech.
Oh my sweet fucking Christ, that poor goat!! I am wiping my eyes from thinking about the man having to pay a dowry for the goat. Great one.
Diet food is always so lovely...
Yuck!
My sister could be the central character in a new sitcom/soap opera/horror story.
Weight watchers - wouldn't normally bother, but theirs was the only version of a prawn sandwich. Fucking horrible.
Pickled onion Monster Munch are indeed a food sent straight to earth from heaven. "And so it was written that on the eighth day, God said 'Let there be pickled onion flavour corn snacks' and there were, and they were good'".
The name change isn't permanent; I'm keeping it to serve as a reminder of my stupidity for getting pancake day wrong. It'll go back to normal next Wednesday.
... "The name change isn't permanent; I'm keeping it to serve as a reminder of my stupidity for getting pancake day wrong."
Should fucking think so too. Made me look like a right cunting mong in Morrison's it did.
Shutup at the back there.
pig, that was my cue to go ahead and post a comment.
Tina, my darling, please know that I may not post a comment every time you write, but I do read you, religiously. I have updated me own blog, finally, so feel that I can comment here and feel good about it.
So far, in the past week, you've confirmed two things for me: You are really a romantic lovebucket at heart. And you have good taste.
Oh, a third thing: You, too, have the Family from Hell, but you still love them and would no doubt die protecting them.
*And you could edit your post, rather than leaving the poor thing out there all 'forlorn', as you put it elsewhere. Did you ever see the comment I made about you in a tux on whinger's blog? ::blush::
Pimp my pimple???
Now wouldn't that be a great compo?
All bloggers pimp their pimple/mole, photo and post.
Winner gets a tube of Clearasil?
...winner gets a chemical face peel.
Me, a romantic lovebucket? In a DJ eh? That'd be something and a half. I look a right spaz in whatever I wear in all honesty.
How strange. I thought I was the only (grown-up, kind of) person who still ate those crisps.
Pickled Onion Monster Munch make your lips go zingy, they're brill!
Frazzles are a vegetarian's safety blanket.
Doritos Cool Original and Chilli Heatwave come third in the lineup along with anything prawn cocktail flavour (apart from Skips, which sadly weren't veggie, last time I looked).
If anywhere wa awarding a BA(Hons) in crisp research I feel I deserve at least a 2:1.
Thoughts, anyone?
Please, can someone explain the pimp thing?
There's a TV programme on MTV called "Pimp my ride", where youngsters have their banged-up old cars customised. So when you "pimp" something, you essentially doll it up to look fantastic, if not a bit trashy.
Of course, when you pimp something, you're prostituting something. So in this case, the owner of the goat was essentially acting as its pimp by selling it to the bloke who had sex with it.
Oh, I see. "Tarting up"! Every now and then life without cable tv can be a little bewildering. You will be relieved to know I understood the goat reference. Thanking you.
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