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Anyway, bought a pair of work trousers - fifty five fucking robbing bastard quid - and went on the lookout for some "pulling pants", or "jeans" to you lot. I was horrified to see that straight-legged jeans are back in fashion. Not only straight-led, but really rather tight-legged jeans. I realised this as I tried on a few pairs in River Island. I can't wear anything like that, for fuck's sake! My thighs alone have the circumference of many women's waists and my calves are, well let's just say, they're "muscly".
I don't think so!
God, straight-legged jeans. Takes me back to my horrible youth when all the skinny girls wore the tightest jeans on the planet and I tried it, but looked like something that belonged in a freak show.
But anway, found some not bad ones, so should be all sorted for any future nights out. I am still concerned about footware though. Perhaps I'm too fussy. Perhaps I just conduct a poll here and let the readers decide.
OK, here you go, see what you think of these:
1. Converse All Stars (pumps)
2. Dr Marten's boots
3. Kickers pumps
4. Kickers shoes
5. Adidas Superstars
6. Skechers shoes
Yes, I know that I have a huge arse and fat thighs. And yes, I have horrible furniture in my bedroom.
Asda - again
As much as I detest this shop, I keep finding myself in there on a Saturday, I must be a glutton for punishment. Today I needed Coffeemate (light of course). I roamed the aisles, I passed "Foreign foods", I passed "BOOZE" and found myself at tea and coffee and shit like that. HUGE tubs of Coffeemate original, tiny tubs of Coffeemate light. Fuckers. It's because people who shop there are all fat fuckers who don't believe in light anything. Tossers.
I ended up getting some tortilla wraps for tonight's tea and enjoyed a transaction in which I was clearly interrupting the conversation of two staff members, one of whom had just bought some socks at that till and was continuing to tell the checkout woman about the current range nightware at George at Asda. Don't mind me. Ignorant cunts.
Bored
It's now 1.35pm and I'm bored already. I wonder what I can do with the rest of my day. I know, I'll go and sit next to the cat and, every time it looks like he's going into a deep sleep, I'll start disturbing him by poking him and purring. Little shit.
Oooooor, I could scan some more photos into my PC and continue my series of posts in which I reminisce about my past.
Ooooooor, I could kill my Dad, who is getting right on my tits.
29 comments:
FIRST
You could kill your dad and then post pictures, thereby killing two birds with one stone.
Yes, but don't you think posting pictures of me killing my dad would provide the prosecution with watertight evidence of my guilt? I mean, come on, if you're going to murder somebody, you've got to try and make the court case a bit of a challenge.
I think you should kill your dad too. Good suggestion, Indiawhatsit. I concur.
You could explain the pics away as photoshopped creations, just to see what it would have looked like had you been the culprit.
Blame me. I get the blame for everything else. A murder might exciten (that really should be a word) things up a bit in my boring wee life.
Perhaps the word is "excite", but "exciten" might be a nice hibrid between excite and brighten or frighten or lighten. Is it hybrid? Yes, it is, isn't it?
I'd never get away with it, everybody knows I'm crap at photoshop.
Just as an aside....
Every time I see 'indiaiynke', I read it as 'I need a dyke'.
I would definitely do the Doc Martins!
Yeah, Dr. martens boots for sure. Although if you're going to be coming home a little worse for wear, can you be arsed undoing the laces? Maybe go for a pair of kick-offable shoes...
Yes, I also concur - Docs it is.
Pig - I am astounded to share with you that every time I see "piggy and tazzy" I smell crap. It's amazing to me. I 'see' ... and smell. Quite fascinating.
Perhaps I should've asked people to e-mail me their responses in private, so as to avoid peer pressure and the like.
Indiana Jones, you certainly give as good as you get, don't you?
Yes. Which is why the 22-year-old Eating Machine probably won't survive another few days. Ya think?
I think you're absolutely right and I also think you'd be quite lovely, but wonderfully scary in real life. Perhaps not scary, but I'd certainly revere you without a doubt. And I don't even know if that's a proper sentence because you've made me come over all unnecessary!
I like all but the Converse. I thought you were showing pics of me. I knew you couldn't be in the U.K. and have my pics!
I'm in Atlanta, GA, and I can't tell you how U.K. crazy I've gotten. I'm loving BBC America loving how everyone talks. Your sayings are so different from ours. Wonder if I could fit in in there undetected? Like I always lived there?
After examining the photographic evidence, I noticed a definite difference in your posture and attitude while wearing the Docs. You stand more confidently, and as everyone knows, confidence is sexy. Go butch and wear the Docs. Have fun, be safe, and pull pull PULL!
I vote for the Kickers brown pumps -contrary me. And unless it has already happened I would save the patricide for a really, really boring weekend.
But it's already 8pm in England (high noon here in San Francisco)and you're probably slapping on the lippie and ready to hit the dance floor. Have a great time.
I just scrolled down this post quickly.
I hope you don't dance like that. If you do you wont pull, you'll be certified.
I could only ever dance when I was shitfaced. Since I don't touch a drop these days, there's going to be no dancing for me, you'll be glad to learn.
Arabella, I like the Kickers pumps too. They're a bit knackered these days, but I still like them.
Hello you and Mrs M too, and all the other folk who've dropped here for the first time.
I appreciate your honesty ;)
2,4,6,8, who do we appreciate? TINA!!!
Actually I'm voting for 2, 4, and 6.
--aas
1,3,5 have my vote.
Them there pics hi, were like wanted posters, you know front and side profiles?
Have you seen these legs?
Kill Dad.
Adidas - comfortable, classic, but easily ruined by some can't-handle-their-ale cunt sloshing his/her cheap cider all over 'em.
I think it's 'footwear' not 'footware'...unless you're slipping into a nice, comfortable, er...pair of pans?
And burn the Skechers. Gruesome.
We vote for the diarrhoea coloured Kickers.
Is he dead yet? We'll touch up the photo's for you.
I think Ineedadyke and I are connected in some way (possibly hip and handbag?) because we both had the fabby idea of calling a cat 'Taz'.
She's gone way up in my estimation.
:o)
*wanders out muttering 'smells of shit indeed'*
Hmm . . . all the shoes seem sensible, but the Adidas Superstars get my vote.
Ah fuck, you're right. You know how annoyed I get when I realise, or am told, that I've made a basic spelling or grammatical error?
You can't help it dear.
Comes with being a woman.
Albeit a manly one.
Docs. Full stop.
Docs eh April? Is that what does it for you? Eh? April???
Reminds her of Donkey's hooves.
The dirty slapper.
Docs/shoes make you look like a lesbian.
What?
Oh.
Ha ha, straight to video!
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