*

*So there's this chain of shops that are present in and near most NHS hospitals in the UK - or in England at least, since the UK doesn't really exist any more thank you very much Tony Blair you fucking wanker. This chain of shops is called McColl's and they're a general store that functions as a newsagents, grocers, off-licence, that type of affair. Because they have the monopoly for being THE retail outlet of the NHS, this means that they can get away with hugely inflated prices for the shit they peddle.

Frexample, take Cup a soup: Tesco price 89p per pack (or 2 packs for £1.40), McColl's price £1.40 per pack; packet of crisps: Tesco (Express) price, 30p; McColl's price, 50p. Get the idea? My snot sandwich the other day cost me something like £2.50 and others were over £3.

It's the type of place that has a wall of fridges that stock solely Coca Cola products and still mineral water - no fizzy mineral water. I challenged the assistant in the McColl's in my local hospital the other week: "Haven't you got any chilled fizzy water? You seem to have LOADS of varieties of still mineral water."

"We don't put sparkling mineral water in the chillers."

"Why is that?"

"We just don't"

"Perhaps you should. Then people might actually buy it."

Not

Good

Enough

Wankers


Don't fuck with me today
There's nothing worse than an ex-smoker.

This might be true, but I'm pretty easy-going when it comes to people smoking. I oppose the ban on smoking in pubs and clubs where food isn't sold. I think smoking in these establishments is part of the culture and the atmosphere. The country is now in danger of all its pubs become sterile clones and Whacky Warehouses full of families with young children. A large chunk of the British tradition has been lost.

However, there are places where smoking is wholely inappropriate and this includes hospitals. Most hospitals now provide smoking shelters in the vicinity of their main entrances where people can go for a fag without becoming too exposed to the elements. It's pretty undignified and I'd favour the provision of dedicated smoking lounges within the buildings (with proper extraction and the like) - there's something not quite right about seeing people wheeled outside in their pyjamas, IV in situ, while they hurry to smoke a cigarette. Nevertheless, the situation is that smoking isn't allowed in the hospitals and is restricted to designated areas.

I was so very, very fucked off at having to negotiate a wall of smoke in the vestibule of the main entrance to the hospital when I went to visit Mother this evening - going in and coming out - esepcially since the smoking shelter was literally a 5 second walk around the corner. I challenged the culprits: "There's a smoking shelter there, you're not supposed to smoke here."

"But it's cold out there"

I was stunned

"I don't care, that's not my problem, you're not supposed to smoke here."

"Everybody smokes here."

"What if everybody else shat themselves here, would you?"

They looked at me indignantly and carried on. I left before I got angry.

Ignorant cunts.

I'm going to write to the hospital Chief Executive and propose that a sprinkler system is installed that is triggered by people smoking in the entrance. Either that, or I'm going to set the fire hose on the next set of fuckers I see there.

On returning to my car, still annoyed at the altercation at the hospital entrance, I noticed that some lazy twat minicab driver had parked right behind me in a position that restricted the turning angle for my exit from my parking bay. He'd (I'm assuming "he") obviously left his car there because he was too lazy to drive a bit further and find a proper parking space - there were plenty of parking spaces.

Did I take extra special care when manoeuvring out of my parking space? Did I perform mutliple turns of the wheel and repeated forward and reverse steps to get out without hitting the offending vehicle? Did I bollocks.

If you'd been parked legally, I'd have gladly avoided hitting you pal. Leave your car where it was because you're too lazy to walk from a proper parking space and I'll twat your fucking wheel arch. That, my friend, is what bumpers are for.

Do not fuck with Wendy Testaburger!

Everybody enjoy their pancakes?