- Pain
- Dizzy
- Faint
- Shortness of breath
Cross trainer. This could invoke images of an angry coach, as in fitness coach rather than big bus or horse-drawn vehicle.
Ain't the English language super? It's just a shame that I'm crap at it.
Fit, fit, fit
The friggin' gym was packed out this evening. All those poor bastards who have made New Year resolutions to get fit, punishing themselves for their self-indulgent lifestyles. I, on the other hand, only need to go to maintain my athletic figure. As if! I'm a fucking fat bloater too.
It's a strange routine that you build up (if you go often enough to remember what you do week-in, week-out): if your usual locker isn't free, it doesn't feel right; you have to use the same pieces of equipment in the same order. I'm sure the slight muscle-pull in my calf is the result of using the wrong treadmill this evening.
Fuckers.
The current mood at work surely reflects that of the country: one of guilt, regret and willingness to change, that results in people on near starvation diets, or at least "being good". No doubt there are plenty who are starting to suffer the effects of nicotine patches: disturbed sleep; strange bowel movements; itchy patches of skin and localised dermatitis. My recommendation is to keep at it, go the course, perhaps try gum if patches are making you go off your tits.
Life coach
Of course, having experienced two major incidents of withdrawal from my chemical dependencies, people sometimes come to me with their own stories of giving up this or that. Having been almost mocked for being tee-total by my current stand-in line manager - this obviously meaning that I'm sad and boring (which is true) - she announced proudly to me today that she's staying off the booze for a month in order to try and shed a few extra pounds. Good for her.
"Well, if you find it's getting difficult, feel free to come to me and I'll give you all the support you deserve. Remember: one day at a time."
It's odd though, the questioning about why people stop drinking and I think I've mentioned this before. There are two main reasons: religion and alcoholism, plus a few others that include morals, certain health issues, that kind of shit. So when I'm questioned as to why it is that I stopped drinking and I answer, "Oh well, I'd had enough of it", it's not strictly true, but it's easier for people to deal with than if I said the "A" word.
And how about a quick:
- Working really hard to get fit then putting on loads of weight over the autumn and winter?
- Flirting with your stand-in line manager (again!)
- Offering advice to hopeless drunks and fag addicts (not you, Piggy)
- Stalking your readers by checking their ISPs on sitemeter - Bovis Lend Lease is the company that's doing the PFI construction at the Trust where I work, btw.
- Traditional school dinners
- Having more than two excellent bowel movements per day
- Porridge
- Porridge vomit
- Winter
- Going on holiday to Vancouver Island and staying with a fed-up, foul-fucking-mouthed, donkey-fucking Canuck squaw?
16 comments:
Deinitely yes to 10. We could sign a pre nuptial agreement (I've got nowt).
I've given up twiglets for a month and am feeling positively saintlike.
OMG, I've had a fab idea! What if a gang of us UK bloggers hire/steal an old double decker bus and drive over Canada???
Who wants to be Melvin Hayes? Short straw is defo Cliff, but I'll be Una Stubbs because "Una" is almost the same as "Uma".
I've given up sex for a month. I still have two tubs of twiglets and 5 kilos of chocolate to dispose of.
Melvin Hayes had his hair bleached for Summer holiday.
We can't have weirdos with blonde hair and black pubes on the bus. That would lower the tone.
Yes to more than two bowel movements a day. I love pooing.
T, I thought you were currently sans sex anyway?
Pardon me if I'm overstepping the mark here.. I'll blush a quiet shade of pink and disappear if you would prefer....
1. Happens anyway, but NO
2. No - why would I want to see someone I work with when I don't have to?
3. No - like trying to teach a pig to sing. Pointless for you and annoying to the pig.
4. No - I can't make heads or tails of sitemeter anyway.
5. Since I have them every time I forget my lunch, I say NO! School food fucking sucks!
6. (blushes) yes (blushes some more)
7. No - uck
8. I'd rather do anything than vomit, so NO
9. YES!!!
10. Yes. I hear she'll have room after a certain cunt-faced prick moves out into his brand-new house.
#10: go gay and marry uma. she's tall and attractive, eh, april? eh? eh?
Well yes, FT, it's always easy to give up something that you don't have anyway. I'm also not going to drink or smoke in January...
I'm going to stop being nice to people for the whole of January.
I don't know if I'll make it throught the whole month though. You never know, I might end up liking being nasty and horrible to people.
Yes, I think I'd like that.
As for fitness freaks, I've no comment to make other than to say they're all fucking mad. They know, just as well as I do, that it'll all end it tears and with an extra 3 stones in weight by April.
I think April should have a penis surgically implanted.
Then, not only would she be pretty, but she'd have a willy to play with and all boys and girls would want her.
A chick with a dick. Could be quite a good career move too, if she considers a different path.
PS Tina I hope you aren't exercising for your physical image (at least not purely); you are quite smashing as it is.
Hey Aas,
I've been going to the gym for a couple of years now, but didn't get to go as much as I'd have liked during the autumn and winter. What with Christmas and stuff, I put on a bit of weight and I want to get it shifted. I know that I'm never going to be a skinny bird, but it's good to get fit, especially with health problems associated with the menopause that I might encounter within the next ten years or so. Got to build up that bone density and get that heart working.
have you looked into yoga, or for example pilates (kinda like yoga)? much less impact on your body, eats away calories, and builds up muscles. less sweat too from what i hear. i'm starting to try it out meself. there are also low impact cardio routines to keep the heart going, but i don't know enough about those yet (or if they're included in pilates).
Aha! I see you and raise you one.
I'm going to not fall into a large, farming silo and not speak Estonian. I'm also giving up knitting pink, fluffy ponchos. For this month, only, mind.
It's gonna be hard but I know you'll all be rooting for me.
Oh it's been so long since we've played!
Working really hard to get fit then putting on loads of weight over the autumn and winter?
Yes- Everyone does it this way. I think it's natural for hibernation.
Flirting with your stand-in line manager (again!)
Yes - If it passes the day.
Offering advice to hopeless drunks and fag addicts (not you, Piggy)
Only if asked.
Stalking your readers by checking their ISPs on sitemeter - Bovis Lend Lease is the company that's doing the PFI construction at the Trust where I work, btw.
Yes - Absolutely. Stalking can be a mutual sport.
Traditional school dinners
No - blech.
Having more than two excellent bowel movements per day
Only if necessary - seems excessive.
Porridge
Yes.
Porridge vomit
Um...no.
Winter
Good fun as long as it doesn't get TOO cold.
Going on holiday to Vancouver Island and staying with a fed-up, foul-fucking-mouthed, donkey-fucking Canuck squaw?
No thank you.
We could charter a flight. Unlike the 1960s, none of us get 6 weeks summer holidays any more. Oh silly me, I forgot the lazy bastard teachers!
Working really hard to get fit then putting on loads of weight over the autumn and winter? YES to the fit not to the autumn and winter.
Flirting with your stand-in line manager (again!) - Sure why not.
Offering advice to hopeless drunks and fag addicts (not you, Piggy)- Nah, forget about em.
Stalking your readers by checking their ISPs on sitemeter - Bovis Lend Lease is the company that's doing the PFI construction at the Trust where I work, btw. Definitely.
Traditional school dinners - Erm, like meat and potatoes? Depends I guess.
Having more than two excellent bowel movements per day - DEFINITELY.
Porridge - Sometimes.
Porridge vomit - Not today thank you.
Winter - VI winters really aren't too bad.
Going on holiday to Vancouver Island and staying with a fed-up, foul-fucking-mouthed, donkey-fucking Canuck squaw? - DEFINITELY, but only if you cook.
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