Costco, followed by fucking horrible Asda on a Saturday afternoon: discuss.
Already have done, at length. Jesus, what a nightmare.
Perhaps it's just me and should give Asda the benefit of the doubt. Actually, no I shouldn't. Asda is horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE! Today's gripe is that, in addition to the continual "Approaching landing level, please take care", there was a child (I assume it was a child) somewhere in the store who had a toot toot whistle type thing.
Please take care
It'd be ever such fun if the "Approaching landing level, please take care" announcement actually warned of real danger, like a pouncing tiger or a sniper or something. That'd be fuckin' ace. Toot, toot, toot...
"Approaching landing level, please take care"...
Toot, toot, toot.. "What's that red light, Mummy?"
BLAM!
Use your loaf
We needed bread and their in store bakery had produced some bizarre loaves that I'd never encountered before, I'm going to call them "crustynot". These loaves looked like they were nice and crusty, but they were in fact soft. Weird. Stupid fuckers must've bagged them while they were still warm.
Dicks.
The happy wanderer
It was wall too stressful. And I was accompanied by my Dad who kept wandering off. This meant that at least ten minutes were added to this trial as I wandered around, looking for him. Or I'd retrace my steps to where I'd last been with him in the hope that he'd return. So I'd wait with the trolley, but there wouldn't be quite enough room because of the crap store layout and people would be pushing past me and I'd be getting even more agitated. My head pounded, my heart raced. "I'm going to fucking kill him!"
Why does he do it?
Valderee indeed.
The brighter way to start your day
I love Nescafe - the original stuff. I know that Nestle are unethical bastards and there are much "nicer" brands of coffee that I could buy, but I love Nescafe I'm afraid and that is the end of the story. I shall give extra money to charities that work for the developing world as my penance.
We get everything in bulk from Costco. There's no room for any of this, but we get it anyway. We bought a big tin of Nescafe today and Dad's just opened it to decant into a jar. The smell as it wafts in from the kitchen is fuckin' delish.
Saturday
Saturday is lie-in day. During the week, I get up at either 5.30 or 6.15am (depending on which base I'm working at), so when Saturday comes, I like to get up around 9.30-10am and ease myself into the day. It's a lovely feeling when I first wake up at around 6.30, knowing that I can tell Otto to fuck off and turn over and go back to sleep.
Fantastic.
Connie update
Connie fans will be pleased to know that she's still out of my hair and incarcerated in Hope Hospital, where she's being treated very well. It's a good hospital and I'm glad she's there rather than some other hospitals round here.
It seems that things aren't going to settle themselves on their own and that she'll be needing a pacemaker, which will be fitted on Tuesday. Hopefully she'll be out on Wednesday. She's really fed up and she doesn't want a pacemaker. And I'm anticipating lots of fun and drama every time it kicks in once it's been fitted.
Patientline are introducing a new novelty feature whereby patients can record a video clip of themselves blindfolded and wearing an orange jumpsuit, while nursing staff dress up and hold a knife to their throat. The patient's family gets sent an e-mail with a hyperlink to the Al-Jazeera website, where they can watch the video clip. For authenticity, by watching the video clip, family members pay a ransom (£3 a minute off-peak, £5 a minute at all other times from BT Yahoo, other operator charges may vary) that prevents the patient undergoing an "accidental" amputation.
Another good idea for hospitals would be for the nurses to write the day of the week on white board that's positioned in each ward - usually where all the patients can see it clearly. Why? Because then Mother would know it was fucking Saturday and she wouldn't phone me up for a chat at 8am!
An edit They do write the day and date on the white board. Quite clearly. It was there on the board in big writing: Saturday 21st January 2006. "Oh, I didn't bother looking at that", said Mother when I pointed it out to her. Hrrm. I can't wait to get my mum back home.
6 comments:
Yay first.
It is a man's job, when taking shopping by any female, to either embarass her as much as possible, my favourite is touching up the mannequins in the lingerie department, or to surreptitiously (need a lie down after that one) place unnecessary items in the trolley in the hope that they can be purchased without said female noticing until safely ensconced in the cupboards at home. Of course this can backfire as I experienced when, at the tender age of 15, my mother shouted from one end of an aisle to the opposite, "Are these the colour you wanted?" whilst waving a 12 pack of condoms.
You know the day after your first post on the subject of patientline, it was revealed that ofcom were pressing for a review of their charges. (various articles, but try Some posh paper)
Totally setting the agenda Tin... err... Sniffy. Hey hold on you're back to Tina - I really should read your posts more carefully - so behind.
Somebodies already mentioned this haven't they?
Yeah, back to Tina. I've always been Tina and to pretend to be anything else would be silly. Happy to be called Sniff, it's quite endearing.
Patientline are a bunch of robbing cocks. And my mum's really pissed off that it doesn't even have Channel X! She can't wait to get home so she can watch a good bit of porn again.
I still say you should become a dentist.
What does that have to do with this post - dick all. I'm just going wild because it's Saturday night.
A dentist? No, no, no, no, no!
a) Dissecting heads
b) Looking into manky people's mouths (this is Britain, we're talking about)
c) Looking into manky people's mouths!
Who on earth would want to do that?
Then again, imagine the pain you could inflict on people. Hee, Hee, hee...
Didn't realise real people ever used the phrase "hee, hee, hee", even in Blogland. I thought that was reserved solely for characters in the Beano...
Mind you, I did once accuse you having become a caricature of yourself, do you remember?
Post a Comment