Wednesday 18 January 2006

Ne touchez pas, tossers!

It's not often that I have passengers in my car. I hate having passengers in my car because it means that I can't have my stereo on as loud as I like, or listen to what I like to listen to. Passengers in my car often want to have conversations with me, which I don't want to do while I'm trying to concentrate on driving. When there is more than one passenger, they often want to talk to each other; resulting in me having to turn the stereo off so they can blab on to each other.

Fuckers.

The absolute PITS about having people in my car is when they piss about with stuff. They change the seat settings or the seatbelt tensioner on the passenger seat: the next passenger is too short, and they don't know that they can lower the seatbelt to stop them having to do that fucking annoying thing of holding it away from their chest. On the occasions when the seatbelt has been lowered, Dad will always make a point of raising it again, very loudly with a huff and a grunt.

I can't have my sister in my car without her whinging about my music. She'll skip tracks on the CD, alter the volume to her own comfort level (depending on track). But God forbid that I should be allowed to listen to MY music in MY car should she receive a call on her mobile. On average, she gets a call on her mobile every 2 minutes: "OK, hon, I'm just with our Tina, I'll see you in a bit hon. Yeah, I was out with them last night and I still feel like shit..."

Just fucking shut up, HON!!!

And why, oh why, oh friggin' WHY can't people sit in the back of my car without smearing their fucking hands all over the insides of the windows, OPENING the windows (but never completely shutting them), or kicking the backs of the front seats? Why can't they do it? What is it that compels people to touch the insides of the windows? I'm going to break the fingers of the next person I find doing this.

Fucktards.

I could never be a taxi driver.


Connie update
Mother is still in hospital, where she was allowed out of bed to use the bathroom facilities this morning. Her heart responded by increasing bpm-wise, but it is still erratic. She's having a trace and a scan (?) today. She is feeling much better, but is still concerned by the strangeness of her heartbeat. I reckon she'll be in at least till the weekend while a definitive diagnosis and action plan are devised.

This information is brought to you by Patientline at a cost of £15.

Apparently, they're so pleased with her progress that she is probably going to moved to a less intensive unit later on today. She still requires observation and care because of her erratic heartbeat, so they want to keep her there for the moment. So they're moving her to "L7", which I assume means L for "Ladywell" = elderly care = elderly neglect, although they "claim" the L7 is for cardiology and rheumatology patients. Yes, all elderly patients with heart and rheumatic problems who the NHS would like to kill off through systematic neglect.

This information is brought to you by my annoying sister Anna.

Of course, while Mother (awwww) is laid up in hospital, Dad has regressed and is acting like a pathetic 5 year old. Admittedly, he loves my mum to bits (awwwww) and is completely lost with out her (awwwww). He is also worried sick about her, as we all are. However, he is being an annoying bastard. He is now incapable of doing things that normally come as second nature to him. I now need to hear his over the top reaction to the news that Mum may have been moved by the time he gets to visit this afternoon.


An edit: Congratulations Tony Blair (and Gordon Brown of course)
This is wonderful news for all us hard-pressed, impoverished tax payers.

BBC News article that says how shit the British government is

Yes, the economy is safe under New Labour, everything's brilliant, the UK is the best place to live on the PLANET. Nearly 8 million people in the UK are economically inactive - that's about 13% of the population .

Shocked and appalled, but are we surprised?

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you you should join a car sharing scheme. A selfless, tolerant individual like you would be a fine example to all those selfish bastards increasing traffic congestion.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Garfer.

Thank you for your suggestion.

Anonymous said...

The thing I hate the most about giving peoplelifts is that they always SLAM THE DOOR like it's some kind of strength test.

Maybe I should start charging people for lifts to pay towards the three new sets of hinges I'm going to need shortly...

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah! Door slammers! Utter queyntes!

Exclamation mark abusers! Fuckers!!!!

Anonymous said...

Didn't you know how to make that Beeb story a link then? Thick quentye.

Please to hear that Mummy is feeling better. A little bit of drama is always good for the soul and she'll probably be really looking forward to getting home and having a proper cup of tea, instead of that NHS muck.

Just make sure she puts her feet up when she gets home (after clearing up all the mess you lot must have made whilst she was away, of course).

And give her a decent biscuit, none of that cheap multipack shite that gets kept for dishing out to the neighbours when they pop in.

Anonymous said...

The link IS there, are you blind?

Yeah, we'll make sure she's treated properly so long as she does my washing and runs regular errands for me. They tried to feed her diabetic shortbread in the hospital - can you imagine? I mean, she IS diabetic, but she wouldn't dream of eating that shit.

Anonymous said...

My vehicle is a piece of shit and I don't really care that much for it. I also don't care if you change the station as long as it's to decent music otherwise I'll put a stop to it. Personally... I flick and flick through the stations until I find a good song. Oh Tina... you're in for a treat. I may even let you drive. This is going to be so much fun.

Ohhh, AND... I'm forever changing the seat position in other people's cars because, most of the time, midgets have occupied the seat before me.

Glad to hear the Conmeister is improving.

Anonymous said...

Of course, I'm terrible in other people's cars - always fiddling with things (but not generally the stereo).

April - by "flicking through the stations", do I understand correctly that you're telling me you have no CD player in your car? How do you cope? I can't WAIT to have a go at driving a freaky left hand drive dodgem!!!

Anonymous said...

No CD player here, either. I have a cassette player, and very few cassettes left. I usually don't even play the radio.

That said, I hate it when people talk to me when I'm driving, too. Queyntes.

Anonymous said...

I hate it when people smear their fingers, gloves or a tissue over the damn window. They think they are helping you but 2 mins just sitting quietly with the air blowers blasting full blast will do the trick just aswell! Long greese marks with initials scrawled by fat fingers every time the car steams up. I can't go out and find a back lane to shag in cause the back window doesn't fog up anymore for fear f someone being able to see in..... but DA, BP and GT have all had their dirty mitts over the windows

Anonymous said...

April flicking... Who would ever have thought such a thing.

Sex on the fucking brain that one. Dirty tramp.

Anonymous said...

And ooooh Tina, you're in for a treat!

She's gonna let you drive while she flicks - that'll be exciting.

*heaves*

Anonymous said...

I had to completely stop the Casual Carpool as I couldn't handle all the strangers in my car messing with the seat settings and windows.

I was comfortable. That should've been enough.

Anonymous said...

Best wishes to your Mum and for a speedy recovery. It sounds a bit like atrial fibrillation which my husband had last Easter. As our GP says 'We manage to keep them on their perch with medication!'

Anonymous said...

Totally understanding the whole car thing. I always tell my passengers, "Happy driver, happy car!". Only Dave messes in the car, but that's because I mess while he's driving. It's STILL MY CAR! :-)

Glad to hear your mum is getting better. Those docs better jump on the ball to find out whats going on! Love to you and yours. m.

Anonymous said...

Heart scans are great.

I have a heart as I've seen mine.
Or so they told me.

Children should not be allowed in cars.End of.

Anonymous said...

Whoever is driving controls the radio - that's the rule.

Tell your interfering passengers to Piss Off.