The Hoarse Whisperer

Some people speak in a semi whisper, but are still very loud all the same.

Odd.

The same peoples' normal talking is EXTREMELY loud.

Annoying.

These are the type of people who try to say too much and run out of breath at the end of a sentence, rushing the final words as the last millilitre of air expires from their lungs.

Gasp.


Toxic soup
Today I'm having a rare old treat: Connie's homemade soup for my lunch. I've got a flask full and I'm going to tackle the microwave and see if I can make it hot. My mum's soup is packed with all sorts of great things and it's lovely and tasty too. But it sometimes disagrees with the already sensitive lining of my colon. This is BAD news today as I am suffering from whipped-up poos. These are not quite the consistency of diarrhoea, but are no way near solid - a little like whipped cream. Lots of vegetables on top of this might make my journey hone very interesting today. Just how fast can a person drive 30 miles in rush hour traffic? We'll probably find out later on.


There's a lot of noise around the offices here today; lots of people rabbiting on about stuff, none of it work related. Unless you count the usual ongoing whining about "Agenda for change" as work related.


Queyntessential
Can I make this be a real word please? It can be a new word to describe typical colleagues. I like it.


Snappy Tomato Pizza
The midlands are very greedy. Looking at the Snappy Tomato Pizza (UK) website, I'm outraged at the fact that Coventry has THREE of these outlets, Aberdeen has three too. In between Burton on Trent and Aberdeen, there are precisely ZERO Snappy Tomato Pizza outlets.

Of all takeaway pizzas that I've sampled over the years, STP are the best. I was addicted to their South of the Border variety when I lived in Coventry. This variety of pizza has all the usual with a topping of chilli beef, spicy chicken, peperoni, jalapenos, chilli powder - I'd ask for extra mushrooms, olives and chilli too. Fuckin' DELISH! Not so delish for my hoop the next day mind you and my colon would cry with despair after one. The beauty about Snappy Tomato Pizza was that, if I was working late, I could order one as I left the lab and the delivery chap would be rolling up at the house as I got there.

I want to know why there's such a concentration of these stores in the Midlands and little place else in England.

Then again, while I was in Coventry, I put on about 4 stone in weight (many thanks to The Albion pub, Royal Bengal Indian restaurant, Coventry Kebab House and Snappy Tomato Pizza), so perhaps it's for the best that they keep their lard peddlers.

1. Working really hard to get fit then putting on loads of weight over the autumn and winter? Well, it's something that we all do so Yes, but it'd so much better if the answer could be no. Then again, what's wrong with comfort eating and staying in the house to keep warm?
   
2. Flirting with your stand-in line manager (again!). Well, Yes, sort of. I'm told that I'm a flirt and that I don't even know that I'm doing it.
   
3. Offering advice to hopeless drunks and fag addicts (not you, Piggy). Defo, YES! It's such fun to see people doing without for a change. Offering my words of wisdom, sharing my own experiences, being smug as they struggle. HAH!
   
4. Stalking your readers by checking their ISPs on sitemeter - Bovis Lend Lease is the company that's doing the PFI construction at the Trust where I work, btw. Yes, I'm addicted. Sorry. I don't really do proper stalking, not any more, but I just find it fascinating.
   
5. Traditional school dinners. Yes, love em. I'd love to start a restaurant that had a special menu containing all the best dishes from our school dinners, only made properly. At my primary school, ours were fuckin' delish (in the main) and, made well, they'd be a hit. Lovely hotpot, beef and onion pie, beef cobbler... And the puddings were to die for: chocolate sponge and chocolate sauce; jam sponge and custard; warm prunes with custard; yoghurt flan. There were plenty of things that were disgusting too (tapioca), but a lot of it was lovely.
   
6. Having more than two excellent bowel movements per day. It's a rare occurrence, but I had THREE fabulous motions the other day; all with a perfect consistency, so I'd say YES again here. However, two is usually my limit and anything above that can be a bit dangerous.
   
7. Porridge. Yes, it's ok. Nice and creamy (made with milk) with just the right amount of sugar and the slightest pinch of salt.
   
8. Porridge vomit. Hell no!
   
9. Winter. No! I've had enough, I'm fed up, depressed, tired, cold, miserable. MAKE IT STOP!
   
10. Going on holiday to Vancouver Island and staying with a fed-up, foul-fucking-mouthed, donkey-fucking Canuck squaw? Why the devil not? And I'd love to do the cooking.
    

Oh god, they're STILL going on about Agenda for fucking change! This queynting government must realise that it's paralysed the entire NHS with this hare-brained scheme of theirs. Twats.