Asda: Always happy to help others steal your identity

During my ten minutes of torture in Asda the other day, a couple of things struck me (other than the obvious like the dimwitted patrons, equally dimwitted staff and the ever-so-delicately-named "BOOZE" section [fucking scumbags]):

"Landing level approaching, please take care"*
How fucking annoying is this announcement, repeated every 30 bastard seconds as yet another shopper approaches the upper or ground level while stuck to the escalator behind their trolley? Of course, in the situation where there are two people approaching the upper level (on the two ascending escalators) while another nears the ground level on the descending one, there's a weird triple echo effect: Land..and..ing..anding... leve...evel...evel... app..app...roach...approaching... please...please...ease... take...ake.... care...are...care. It's enough to make a person completely demented.

In the decades that escalators have been in use, there have been numerous public information films about not standing too close to edge or messing about on them for fear of a little rag doll being chewed up in the teeth-like steps. We've got the message, thank you very much. We don't need some automated bint telling us to take care because the landing level is approaching. Besides which: a) with the potential for three of the fuckers going on at the same time, if you're blind, how do you know which one is addressing you? and b) the escalators in these sodding shops aren't even the variety with steps, the worst that can happen is you slide off when you reach your landing level.

Tossers.

If you're that fucking worried about not being careful enough on reaching the landing level, use the bloody lift!

*This was pointed out to me in a comment: Despite hearing it thousands of times in the space of ten minutes, the actual phrase is "Approaching landing level, please take care". See, all their efforts are completely wasted because nobody takes any notice anyway - people are just so fucking irritated by it all that they turn off!

And I'm a spaz with a poor grasp of English.


"Always happy to helpdesk"
Asda's staff are proud to wear uniforms emblazoned with the motto "Always happy to help". Yes, of course they are. About as much of any of us would be given that mind-numbing job and having to deal with lowest of the low in supermarket clientele on a daily basis.

If your average pleb on the shopfloor can't assist you, you can always avail yourself of the specialist help services at their "Always happy to helpdesk". As if you would. By the time you've exhausted all attempts for help from the frontline staff, you're worn to a frazzle and a dribbling wreck of a person. It takes all your efforts to find the exit. You're not going to waste your last bit of energy repeating yourself for the FIFTH time to Customer Services "Pam", who despite looking like a burns victim, just happens to be a little over enthusiastic with the latest range of "Mediterranean glow" foundations and blushers that are new in store that week. Pam is also a huge fan of complementary and herbal remedies for alleviating the symptoms of the menopause. On top of Mediterranean glow, the hot flushes and anxiety attacks provide enough energy to run the filter coffee machine and the burger griddle of the McDonald's outlet in the entrance.


Clone me
But yes, Asda are always happy to help. They even have "Always happy to help" printed on the till receipt. Also printed on the till receipt are all but 5 digits of your credit card number, the start and expiry date for the card and the name of the card holder. Nice to see them doing their bit to prevent identity theft and credit card fraud.

Are they fucking thick or what? Why on earth do they need to print that information on a till receipt?

Dicks.

It really pisses me off, having to rip receipts into tiny little bits in an attempt to destroy all evidence of card numbers and the like. Credit card bills and bank statements contain a ridiculous amount of information too. Surely they can code things so they don't include the entire card number with your address and cardholder name? It can't be that difficult.

And if you're fairly with it and like to use online banking, why do they need to send paper statements out at all? There should be the option to request a paper copy when you need one, otherwise, you should just be able to rely on the online facilities.

It's a right pain in the arse, having to shred all evidence before disposal because, as we're led to believe, all our rubbish is being closely picked at by identity thieves and if we don't take care, somebody else will become us in a weird Invasion of the bodysnatching bin-dippers scenario and it'll be OUR FAULT!

Fuck 'em. If some stupid twat really wants to be me, I'm happy for them to take over for a while and give me a friggin' break from it.


A final thought for the day
You have to be a complete nobhead to open a bank statement two weeks after Christmas and three weeks before pay day.

Eeeeek!