The man who can't be moved

Or whatever...

A couple of years and a bit ago, there was a song in the charts by the Irish group The Script called The man who can't be moved.  The singer told the sorry tale of breaking up with his girlfriend and, hoping that one day she'd change her mind and want to find him, he'd be there on the corner where they used to meet.

Awwww, what a sentiment.

Shortly after, they followed this sorry tale up with Break even; a song about a bloke being dumped by his girlfriend "I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing.... I got time while she's got freedom... when a heart breaks, it don't break even". 

Well, he was still hurting, obviously.  As I was at the time - things were still terribly painful for me after my own horrible break up and no, when a heart breaks, it don't break even.  Not when your ex other half is a complete twat who dumps you for somebody else then rubs your face in it while you're still sharing a house. 

But two years on, during which time I eventually got myself back on track and met somebody wonderful and found myself happier than I've ever been, Mr The Script is STILL going on about breaking up with his girlfriend... for fuck's sake.

Talk you down (2009) - yep, she's breaking up with him still

Before the worst (2009) - still trying to persuade her not to break up with him

For the first time (2010) - now they're drunk, and wondering whether they can make it work

Nothing (2010) - his mates take him for a drink because he's broken up with his girlfriend, he gets pissed and starts shouting around the streets, trying to persuade her to take him back

Now, Mr Script, can I suggest something to you?  She doesn't want you.  I could've told you this in 2008 because, after a few weeks of begging somebody to change their mind, you actually know in your heart of hearts that you lost them as soon as they took somebody else's phone number.  Just move on.  Get some counselling.  Have a rebound shag.  But move on, she doesn't want you.

I think Mr The Script should listen to some B52s, turn his hand to writing songs about out of control parties, shopping malls, sea creatures and the like.

Misery
I wouldn't say that I'm feeling miserable as such, just a little fed up.  There's nothing to make you feel quite so alone as when you're left to wonder why there's a tree in your dining room; we got the Christmas tree at the weekend and Ali decorated it beautifully.  I recalled crushing one of the LED Christmas lights last year after noticing that a few of the diodes remained unlit.  But with just me being here, with me being on my own here for the next few weeks, I can't help think it's a bit odd to have a tree where Deirdre the sideboard should be.

Winter isn't treating me well this year.  The darkness that descended in September has had an usually adverse effect on my mood; I am constantly tired and achy.  And it's fucking freezing. But at least I have an electric blanket.  And the love of a wonderful woman and a smelly little dog.

At least I don't make a wanky Christmas card out of these shots

Fuck, my dining room has turned into Narnia!

I might be a bit miserable because of weekly separation from the person I want to be with, but at least I have her.  I count myself very lucky every day.

Now, I wonder if I can attack the little dog's dew claw while he's sleeping....

The return of Consumer Champion Sniffy - again!

I bought a washing mashine in the middle of October 2009.  It wasn't the one I wanted, the one I wanted couldn't be sourced for weeks, so I was offered a Whirlpool one for the same price - brilliant! It's quite fancy, it has a big drum, lots of cycles, it's sleek, it's black, it's sexy .... it's broken.  Twelve months and three weeks after buying it (ok, thirteen months), the digital display died on me, so without being able to see what settings I'm using, doing my laundry has become a game of Russian Roulette (some might say they'd assumed this had been the case all my adult life).

Did I take out the extended warranty at £xx per year?  For a £500 washing machine?  Surely with an expected lifetime for a washing machine of 7 years, you'd expect it to last more than four years before anything went wrong on it?  So no, I didn't, the robbing fuckers.  Are they domestic appliance manufacturers or insurance agents?  Or just twats?

I e-mailed them last week:

Message: I purchased this washing machine in mid October 2009. I ran a load earlier, and when the cycle had finished, the digital display was showing in green, but the numbers were not showing properly. On further investigation, there is no temperature display at all, the time display is very distorted and the spin speed indicator is barely legible. While I realise that this machine is possibly a whopping 2 or so weeks out of warranty, after just a year of low to moderate use (I live on my own), I wouldn't expect a well-maintained, £450 appliance to start showing signs of malfunction after this period of time and nor would anybody else. This is clearly a fault with the machine and I would like it to be repaired, can this be arranged please? Many thanks. Sniffy.

Their response today: 

Dear Dr Sniffy,

Thank you for your email.

Whirlpool is the number one white goods manufacturer in Europe and our appliances are made to the highest standards. They enjoy a world-wide reputation for reliability and durability but of course any appliance that has functional parts or electronic components can fail at any given point resulting in repairs being required.

As a safeguard against unexpected and sometimes expensive repairs after the initial warranty period has expired Whirlpool offer both extended service and parts cover at prices that are competitive with other major manufacturers. These contracts are considered a wise investment by many of our customers.

Whilst I can sympathise with your disappointment that this repair is required unfortunately in the absence of any warranty this would be fully chargeable. I understand this may not be the response for which you had hoped but I apologise nevertheless for any inconvenience caused.

Kind regards

Whirlpool UK, C.U.N.T.Y.

And my response to them: 

Dear Whirlpool Cuntstomer Service,

Thanks for your response.  Disappointngly, it was as expected, which is quite frankly disgraceful and an admission that Whirlpool doesn't expect its products to last for any decent length of time or care when they don't (in this case, three weeks out of its warranty period - THREE weeks).  Consequently, it effectively blackmails its consumers with overpriced insurance policies to cover for its products' shortcomings.

I can confirm that I will not be buying any Whirlpool products in the future and I will make strong recommendations to anybody I have contact with that they avoid Whirlpool like the plague. I will be starting with the shop I bought the machine from so they can inform their customers about the fault with these machines and Whirlpool's attitude when alerted to them.  In fact, the only reason I ended up with a Whirlpool was because there was a pan-European delay on the Hotpoint (how I wish I'd have waited). 

With all due respect,

Sniffy

So to all you people thinking of buying an appliance - don't bother with Whirlpool

And this is just the start.  I shall soon be waving the Sale of Goods Act at them, with reference to the section on durability.

Why can't these idiots realise how word of mouth from satisfied customers is their most effective way of advertising?

Contrast my sister, Bomb's experience with Bosch when her lawnmower blew up, way out of warranty.  They were so embarrassed that they were really apologetic and gave her a replacement free of charge.  That's the Germans for you.

And do you know that Bosch tumbledryers have a light inside the drum?  They do.  Fabulous.