At the "People's" Post Office

(copyright Jamie Smart and that)

This is how I felt after an exasperating visit to Manchester's main post office today. God I was furious.

The long protracted move to Bellend Towers is on for next week, definitely, absolutely, no doubts - we're moving.

We're frantically changing our addresses on things in preparation, but there's always something that slips the net - and goodness knows how I'll get on without my junk mail - so we want to do a redirect of our post to the new place. Makes sense, non?

You can do it online through the Post Office's website... only you can't, because it doesn't work. So the alternative is to go to a post office and do it in person, armed with ID and stuff. So I grabbed my wallet (photo drivers licence, bank cards, etc) and a recent Criminal Records Bureau disclosure certificate, Trump picked up her wallet and a credit card statement and off we trotted.

I was fuzzy headed and a headache was brewing.

Town was mental and we had to negotiate the usual hordes of people who just hang around in the way; standing at the top and bottom of escalators, walking right at you, being generally smelly and retarded. We got to the post office, picked up the relevant form, and I searched my pocket for a pen. Curses! I'd forgotten it. There were no pens to use, apart from at the counters themselves. Or I could've bought one, but only a blue one and the form needed to be completed in black ink.

Off to W H Smiths... off to Cafe Kasbah for caffeine and somewhere to sit to fill out the form... back to the post office.

We got to the counter, the woman checked the form and asked for our ID. We passed her our drivers licences.

"Have you got the paper counterparts?"

Er, no

"It's just that we need both parts."

"Why?"

"Because if somebody found or stole your wallet they could use your photo licence, but it'd be unlikely that you'd be carrying the paper counterpart too."

"Exactly", besides, the dog ate mine. "And if they happened to find or steal my photo licence, what is the likelihood that they'd look like my photo? What is the likelihood that two identity thieves would steal two photo drivers licences and look like the people on them?"

"We need both parts. You wouldn't like it if somebody got hold of your post and pretended to be you."

They can have my post, they can pretend to be me, more fucking fool them!

"Have you got a bank card?"

We handed our debit cards over. She took the numbers off them.

"Have you got any other ID?"

She took my CRB disclosure and looked at it thoroughly.

"I need to check whether I can use this"

Oh, for fuck's sake. My head was really hurting by this point.

"Sorry I can't accept this"

No, but you had a good fucking look at it, didn't you? Nosy bitch.

I was so annoyed. You need about four pieces of ID to get a CRB check, the document is a certificate of who you are and where you live and that you're not a fucking criminal, but it's not good enough to get your post redirected.

"Oh fine, just take my name off the application. I'm changing all my address details anyway and I could do without getting a load of junk mail redirected."

She turned to Trump, "Have you got a utility bill with you, I can't accept this either".

Fucking retarded mongs.

It's OK for them to lose half the post, deliver it to the wrong addresses, have postmen steal a load of it, or sign for things that only the recipient is supposed to sign for, but they won't accept perfectly valid ID so somebody can redirect their own post. You can buy a house with less ID than they require.

Last week, I signed a petition to stop the closure of post offices around the country. Fuck that, I'm going to start a campaign to burn the whole fucking lot of them down.

Of course, this is all part of a government ploy to make ID cards seem useful. For years, certain pieces of documentation have been perfectly acceptable to demonstrate a person's identity, but not any more... but if we had an ID Card.... Would we still need the paper counterpart, just in case somebody had stolen the photo part? No, thought not. Probably because we'd all be barcoded by then anyway.

Cunts.