I went shopping with Trump and her mum yesterday. Of course, there being 25% off everything at Debenhams meant that I simply HAD to buy a suit jacket for £60 and a leather jacket for £160! Tit. Still, £165 instead of £220 is a bargain as far as I'm concerned.
And I've put a claim in for my last six months' worth of petrol expenses, so that should cover it.
I nipped into Poundland to have a look at the batteries, picked up a pack of 15AAs and took them to the till. "Can you do a price check on these please?" I enquired of the teenage assistant at the counter. She looked at me with disgust: "A pound?". Oh yeah, of course, silly me.
Now then, what the fuck was I going to blog about? There was something interesting...
Spirito di Connie
My new car isn't a Fiat Punto (hence "Spirito di Punto" reference), it's a Nissan (no difference there then) Almera (big difference there!), which is OK and it has some nice features that the Primera didn't. One such thing that you'd think would be quite handy is parking sensors - really useful for a nob like me who tends to use her rear bumper as a parking sensor. Anyway, rear parking sensors are so fucking annoying; they're the electronic equivalent to having your elderly mum sat in the bag, going on at you:
Beep! "Oh look you're going backwards, be careful now!"
You edge backwards slowly:
Beep, beep, beep "Hrrm, I'm getting a bit nervous now, don't you think you've gone back far enough? I'm sure you can stop here, it's fine here."
But you know damn well that you've got miles of room behind you, so you keep going:
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP (rapidly) "Now, this isn't funny! I wish you'd just stop, please. I'm coming over all unnecessary"
Oh fuck off, there's acres of bloody space (not that I'd ever tell Connie to fuck off!):
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "You. Have. Killed. Me!"
House doctor
Trump's house is on the market. We've been redecorating, getting new carpets, trying to de-clutter. There is a viewing tomorrow; me and Rocky have to get out of the way while people are being shown around. Trump has been instructed to tell viewers that her husband is dead (not as in "He is dead to me" because that wouldn't give the right impression) and that she wants to move out to be close to her elderly parents - things that sound good to certain prospective buyers.
Got to do a sweep of the house to remove stray pairs of knickers from here and there.
Northern Lights
A few years ago, a talented British author wrote a trilogy. A masterpiece called His Dark Materials. The first book was called Northern Lights. There's a film out on 5th December called the Golden Compass; Northern Lights as it was published in the States. Why did they have to change the name of it? The story is about the Northern Lights, Lyra's journey there and stuff. Yes, the alethiometer is very important to the story, but it's not even called a golden fucking compass. For fuck's sake. Anyway, the film looks really good, so I'm going to go and see it.
Stranger than fiction
This is a good film too. I really recommend it. Emma Thompson is brilliant in it.
Still can't remember what I was going to blog about, but it was something that got me really annoyed.
4 comments:
"can't remember what I was going to blog about, but it was something that got me really annoyed" - Hah! That narrows it down, then!
As for Trump's husband being dead, I thought you said (at some point) you lived in a bit of a shithole of an area (I know I do) - wouldn't they take a look round the area and assume he'd been killed locally? Or was that the other house? That aside, well done you, anyway!
American publishers (film, tv, book, anything). Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, anyone? Fucked in the head, their entire idea about "the public". They do it with books, too, all the sodding time. Mentals, so they are, when it comes to this sort of thing. Everything has to sound like porn, or war, or be eezzeee werds for stoopid peeple.
I want parking sensors. Also I want them fitted to ME as well as to the car. Front and rear, please. That way when someone won't give you any personal space, they are irritated by the squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee until they back the fuck right off!
Oh, your 15AAs will last about three minutes each. I bet they weigh nothing, I bet they are in fact lighter than air. The cheapass ones always are. A false economy!
The Golden Compass (or whatever its original name was) was the subject of some controversy here. My grown niece sent me an email about it, saying that any Christian should not go see this, as the author wants to "kill God." He was an athiest, I take it?
Now I'm dying to go see it. My niece obviously doesn't know I'm not Christian and couldn't give a shit about the author's views on the subject.
RIP, Trump's dead husband. Hope it moves the house.
I like loz's idea of personal space sensors. My personal space is invaded so often these days that I feel like I need an alarm system.
Parking sensors are so much fun when some old cunt parks right up your arse so you're getting squealed at as you try to manoeuvre out of a tight squeeze.
Certain people claim that His Dark Materials are anti-semitic, anti-theist. Certain people need to lighten up and just read the fucking books and enjoy them.
Were you not going to triumph in the Great Benefit Cock Up?
*waits*
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