Running down the road in my pyjamas and slippers, squeaking a latex chicken

Rocky has a new girlfriend. He spent two days joined to Peggy's side, trying to shag her. She enjoyed the attention, clearly keen to take advantage of Rocky's pedigree in her quest to reproduce before getting her tubes tied.

It's always useful having an older dog around to guide him as he tends to go off in a world of his own when he's outside and he becomes deaf to our calls. Unfortunately, Peg's only a relative pup herself and she sometimes forgets herself. I watched in horror as I saw her wandering off out of the front gate towards the village, Rocky stuck to her side. I was wearing my pyjamas and slippers, but it's quiet there so I didn't have any shame in running onto the lane to call them back.

FUCKING BIN MEN! What the hell were people doing on the road? You NEVER see people on this bloody lane. But this was a crisis and I felt no shame.

The dogs trotted off towards the village, I called them both, they were deaf to me. I ran into the house and found Rocky's squeaky chicken...

I ran back out onto the lane, squeaking the chicken. The bin men watched me. Even in in-bred capital of the world Norfolk, the site of an overweight woman in her pyjamas running down the road, squeaking a latex chicken must have seemed odd. I didn't care, the dogs had disappeared from view.

FUCK!

I ran back to the house to call for help. Peggy was in the garden. Rocky was nowhere to be seen. I shouted at her, "What have you done with Rocky? What have you done with him?" I was in a total panic. I ran into the house, everybody was upstairs, I ran into the kitchen to be met by my tripey little dog. The little bugger had come in around the back while I'd been entertaining the bin men.


Norfolk
This county is lovely, but it's a total shit to get to. No dual carriageways for a hundred miles, so a 200 mile journey takes over four hours when it should take less than three. Wednesday's journey took us five and a half hours. Fucking awful. It's no wonder they're all inbred; there's no way new blood can get in there to mix with the existing gene pool.

But the night sky there is amazing; literally bursting with stars that you never see when you live in the city. I noticed them in the early hours of Thursday morning while stood outside when the pooch was having his oh-so-conveniently-timed wee at 3am. I couldn't believe what I was seeing; I've never experienced anything like it before. I promised to set up my camera to take a photo of it the following night, but the temperature and atmospherics meant that I was disappointed.

I guess it'll be a long time before I experience it again.

It's always the way when waiting for the photo opportunity you want; you see it, but assume it'll come back the next day - you know, things like the rise of the harvest moon? But it's only ever like that one night, and then you've missed it.

Carpe diem and all that.


Road rage
Why is it wrong to assault or kill people who are crap at driving? What's wrong with doing all other road users a service in getting menaces off the highways? You're not even supposed to beep or shout at the fuckers.

A sure fire vote winner for anybody with political ambition would be to allow the use of rocket launchers in private vehicles.