A local shop

I needed fresh chillies yesterday and I couldn't be bothered to go to the supermarket, or to venture onto the high street. But there's a collection of shops and takeaways nearby and one is a gardening shop that has expanded to sell vegetables and some deli good. It's owned by an eccentric looking chap with panama hat and elaborate beard.

With a touch of trepidation, I entered. Inside I found that I was pleasantly surprised by what they sold and I grabbed a hand of chillies and took them to the young woman at the till. She weighed them and calculated the price. "That's three pence please". Shocked, I fumbled through the change in my dog-walking jacket pocket and pondered paying her with a dog biscuit.

THREE PENCE? That would've cost about £1 in the supermarket.

I gave her 20p and declined the change, which went into the charity box.

My thoughts returned to the idea of paying for goods with the dog biscuits in my pocket. Wouldn't bartering and payment of goods by exchange of services be fun? I'm sure, given the demographic of the area, this is pretty common between businesses anyway, but could you imagine trying it down Tesco?

"I'll stand by the door and make sure no rif-raff get in if you give me my shopping for free."

"And what if we decline your offer?"

"I burn your shop down?"

It might work at Asda I suppose. When the big Asda in East Manchester opened, they had to sack half the workforce within the first week because the checkout staff were allowing their mates through the tills without scanning half their shopping. Serves them right for thinking they can regenerate a deprived area by building unaffordable housing, crappy supermarkets and casinos.

But that's neo socialism for you....


Gordon is a moron
I've knocked thieving cunt Gordon Brown for over a decade now. Incompetent Chancellor and now unelected Prime Minister, the man has overseen and held the purse strings for Government since they came into power in 1997. Despite him being responsible for the disaster of NuLabour, his PR machine has tried to con the country into thinking that we have a brave new leader who had absolutely nothing to do with that nasty Tony Blair. Gordon Brown would save us all, despite him causing much of the mess in the first place.

Of course, aided and abetted by the BBC and the Guardian, the Labour spin machine seemed to be successfully conning the electorate and Labour had a remarkable turnaround in the opinion polls during a period of time when parliament was in recess and the opposition had zero opportunity to get a word in against him.

With a ten percent lead, election talk surfaces. "Let's have an election before the recession hits next year, before the housing market collapses, before we abolish the 10% income tax rate and make all the really poor workers even less well off, before people finally realise how incompetent we are! " A 1st November election was a 90% certainty this time last week,

But it being conference season, the opposition finally gets the chance to have a say, to start getting their message across, despite being upstaged by the BBC's preference for reporting the Diana Inquest and the PM's oh so brave visit to Iraq. The people don't fall for it, they start getting the message from the other parties, the opinion polls swing back round again and Gordon, in his usual jaw-dropping, gasping manner, announces that he doesn't want an election within the next 18 months afterall.

PUSSY!

What a manipulative, opportunistic, sneaky, cynical, cowardly, CUNT.

He treats the people with such contempt. I'd love a revolution.



Inked
I'm really warming to the idea of getting a tattoo, to the point that I'm about 100% sure of getting one. I'll be getting my tongue split next!