I cannot believe the contrast between these sorry sack of shite excuses for shops and the proper parent Tesco supermarkets, which I love.
The only thing worse than Tesco Express is Tesco Metro, which I'll come to in a minute.
Today's insult from the retail giant's corner shop came when I visited the store close to where I work. I wanted to pick up something for lunch - I fancied sushi - and some salami and salad and stuff for tea. I was horrified to see that 95% of the store's refrigerated cabinets - and there are lots of them - were taken up by fizzy drinks and crates of beer. No food, no sushi, just beer and pop. What the fuck?
Half the vegetable shelving was occupied with crates of Coke too. Brilliant.
I bought a packet of crisps and asked why all the fridge space was taken up with beer and pop and why there wasn't any food.
"It's because the students have mainly gone home", was the response.
So people who work at the university and hospital don't need to eat then? They just want to come here for crates of booze to sup on at their desks?
Cunts.
I have a killer headache now because I didn't have a proper lunch.
CUNTS!
Tesco Metro is another of Tesco's evil dopplegangers. Jeez, these stores are torture. Millions of people, all from different parts of the globe, all with different ideas about manners, queuing, speaking in uncomfortably loud voices. We were in there the other day; a child in front of us in the queue for tills couldn't help themselves touching every single packet of whatever (sweets, chocolates) on the shelves that lined the queue. STOP TOUCHING THINGS!
For fuck's sake! Why do these little retards have to do this? Can't they keep their shitty little hands to themselves? Can't their accompanying adults make them stop??
Death stare
I was talking with my colleagues about what super power I'd like if I had the choice. In addition to the obvious - the power of flight - I'd love to have a death stare. Imagine being able to make somebody burst into tears and run away from you just by looking at them. Yeah, yeah, I do that anyway. Imagine being able to make somebody burst into flames just by giving them the dead eye? Fantastic.
Strangers in the night
The Strangers in the night ice cream van is doing its rounds again. It'll be here any second. I might go and see if it actually sells ice cream.
"Can I have a Flake 99 and... errrrm... how much for a speed ball?"
Fuckers.
Fuckers.
Fuckers.
Today is brought to you by the Number of the Beast and the word KNOCKERS!
Oh my poor head.
15 comments:
Yay! First!
I just hate Tesco.
Bastards.
I can't believe that cunt got here before me.
I love Tesco.
Like you, I hate T metro and express though.
Strangers of the night ice cream van? What the fuck?
The Strangers in the night ice cream van comes round at 8.50pm every night, all seasons. I don't think its main business is selling frozen sweeties.
Our local ice cream van,was a front for a gun running operation.
I hate Tesco full stop.
They've started putting photos of gurning yokels on their carrots to convince folk that they actually give a flying fuck about the provenance of their produce.
I don't think there are many people called Nigel in Slovenia.
Cunts.
We had a fast food restaurant that was doing more business selling cocaine out of it's drive-thru window than burgers. Gun running, drugs, ice cream, fast food... frankly, I appreciate that kind of business diversification.
Aak
Miss you sniffy - glad to see your still fighting the good fight
Our ice cream van comes around at 9:30 pm when all the kids are asleep. Kind of counterintuitive, dontcha think?
I love the title of this post. You're so reserved.
Yay, LISA! I miss you too. Glad to know you're ok.
Bronwen, I was really holding back on the title for this post. Can't you tell?
Wow, Tina, you still remember my name, I'm touched!
I may be able to come back to the fold in a more public way soon. Nothing has been decided yet... but starting September, you may be hearing from me a bit more.
Aak
BTW - what's a Flake 99?
Aak
A Flake 99 is an ice cream cornet (whipped, not scooped iced cream) with a Flake chocolate in it. Nobody knows why it's called a Flake 99, but they've been available from ice cream vans in the UK since 1930.
Delish.
Nice wiki link. Now I know everything there is to know about such a delightful sounding treat. It seems very similar (at least in theory) to a Drumstick which I love!
BTW there is a restaurant in the food court of the Seattle airport called Dish D'Lish and I think of you every time I walk past it. You're the only person I've ever known to use that word, and you do so quite charmingly.
Aak
I got it from my late auntie. She always used to say it and, although she died when I was still quite young, it stuck with me.
Post something new, dammit - it's Thursday for fuck's sake! Oh what? You're too good to post while your at work now? The Tina I know would have posted pictures of her coworker's inability to line up pages before stapling them by now!
Sorry, dear, don't mean to get cranky. It's just... I don't get a lot of these special alone time moments with you, and frankly I expect you to put out whenever I'm avaiable.
Wait, that didn't come out quite right either.
How about this - Tina, darling, you wit and humor are rare treats in my rather dreary existance. They give me the strength I need to get through my work day.
Your post quench my thirst; my throat is dry. Won't you help a dear old friend out?
Aak
PS. Love the new picture of you. The Black & White shot adds a touch of class, yet doesn't distract from what a total knock out you are!
Touch of class? Sniffy?
That's the best joke I've read all year!
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